Given up

[Defeated10]

I split up with ex 3 years ago this December. We tried again 2 years ago but didn't work. We did bicker alot but over the past 2 years our relationship got better and we were in a good place friend wise and managed to do parent well. We used to go out with our DS the 3 of us and do things. This became more frequent april-june time. E.g. beach, restaurant, places for young kids. We would text each other alot about our son. It was never sexual but more friendly. But I did think oh this is going well. Maybe in the future things might work out as it seemed he had changed so much for the better. Then he tells me he is seeing someone. Then it turns into he took this girl on his holiday back in Feb which he lied about. Then it transpires he's been seeing her almost a year. He has been cagey with details about her and since he told me he has stopped doing stuff together and hardly speaks to me. I have a strong feeling his gf knew nothing about him doing stuff with us and he is worried I'll say something. I wouldn't but I know this is how he thinks.
When we were together he spoke to numerous women and I believe he cheated but don't have evidence on that. But I know for certain he was saying inappropriate things to women and was extremely secretive towards me. He has lied alot too.
I feel really upset atm like he's been so nice and we had a good friend relationship that looked hopeful to all of a sudden not talking to me and not doing stuff as a 3. Should I feel like this? I feel like he's been keeping me sweet while with her too.

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Hey @Defeated10, you’ll probably get a load of responses saying you’re completely unreasonable to feel this way as he’s an ex and it’s his business but I just wanted to say I get it.
My ex did pretty similar to me and for me the issue was not so much him seeing someone else, it was the deliberately not being honest. And what it comes down to is that it just feels like a massive lack of respect when he can’t be honest with me. I feel like he put me through so much, and I’m raising our child but he can’t even have the decency to be honest! (and also like he’s having his cake and eating it). No technically he doesn’t have to tell you if he’s seeing someone but if he’s withheld that information because he thinks you’ll put a stop to the family time (which is what my ex did) then he’s being unfair. To you and his GF.
When this happened to me we had about three months where we barely spoke to each other then I cracked and said I wanted to clear the air because it was a shame for us not to be able to be civil. We do things as a family from time to time now and it’s ok, and if anything I actually feel sorry for his GF because she has to put up with his nonsense and I don’t!

Good lord that was way longer than I realised

Thanks @gileadwivesarefashionicons love the name too!
Yes it's the dishonesty too. He lied about the trip and I said to him who did you go with and he said no one.
Also last November time he invited me to go swimming with his mum and our DS when it was his weekend. I accepted and it was a good day. Later that evening he was pushing it and trying to sext me. I did give in and we sext. He claims he weren't with this girl then but I know for definite they were speaking at this point and were close. I think he's telling me they weren't together then so he doesn't get caught out. I just feel like he's confused my head. Being really nice and then cutting it all between us.

I get it, I really do. I could have written your last post!
It does sound to me like he’s trying to have the best of both worlds, wanting to keep family time but also have a relationship elsewhere.
How do you feel about him now? I think unfortunately he is unlikely to be honest, so the only thing you can control is your reaction to things. Me and my ex are what I’d call mates now, I honestly don’t have any feelings for him anymore, but it took a hell of a lot for us to get to this point and a lot of heartache for me. I only persevered because my DD was so tiny when we split and I honestly think it was better that we rubbed along so we could share special times with her rather than either one of us or her missing out. On the whole it’s been worth it but I might not have been so compelled to do it if she was older. How old is your DS?

Well atm I feel angry at him because he's just cut me off pretty much. If I ask how our son is I'll get a blunt reply. Where as before he would send a pic and give a nice update. I'd say before Nov time I had no feelings for him but gradually as he's been more nice and we have done stuff together the feelings developed. He didn't even tell me about the relationship I had to ask. And when I asked if it was his gf and how long they had been together his reply was does it really matter? So still trying to withhold info.
Our DS is 3. I just want to be friends and not have issues. There's other stuff he's done too which has annoyed me because if I had done it he would go crazy. But that's him all over. Double standards.