So, this story is really long but I'm going to shorten it the best I can.
2 months ago I had a baby.
2 weeks after having the baby I was made to go into a mothers and baby unit with post natal depression half way across the country. I was in hospital for 3 nights with 24hour care and at the unit for 2 weeks until i discharged myself.
I came home and my relationship with my boyfriend was rocky. He was mean. Didn't do any house work, barely helped. the flat was digusting, our rabbits poop crushed into the carpet in four rooms. Mold cups in the kitchen. He then told me he would never forgive me for "trying to kill our baby" (to clarify, I didn't. I had intrusive thoughts and I am the one who called for help)
I then found out while i was in the unit he had been spending time with this female friend. thought it was odd that he lied to me/didn't tell me because I had no issues with her or women in general. I thought something was weird... I, regretably, looked through his fb messages with this woman (he doesnt hid things from me normally and our relationship had sudenly gone to crap)
I found:
a picture of this girl just wearing a towel
flirty messages
him telling this girl he was going to leave me if i didn't talk to him and that I had been a bitch when i came home from the unit
And a message that had been deleted, followed by " i dont want her (me) reading that and getting the wrong idea, she wont like it" and the girl jokingly saying my name repeatedly saying she was going to tell me.
i confronted him. he said the deleted message was him joking about having sex with her.
fast forward. several conversations/ arguments later i said i wouldn't be comfortable them together anymore. we went back to normal. i went home, stayed with my parents for a week to relax.
week later he tells me he's going out on the 20th to football. (he doesn't like ftb) i think nothing of it and the ask who with... with her. we argued. i said " i cant believe you are telling me you are going to leave me at home with our daughter to go out with a woman i told you i wasnt comfortable with. heated argument, him blaming my postnatal depression and anything to justify it.
i come home. i'm finally honest with him. i told him my issue was that he lied to me and crossed boundaries with this woman. that he hadn't supported me during my illness. he had been mean to me. does no house work. leaves me at home with our girl and goes out and gives me no time for me because im caring for her and the animals i told him i couldn't be with him anymore.
he begged me to stay and that he was sorry.
some time has past and we are working on our relationship. he's helping out a little more...
he went out drinking with friends the other night. that's fine. he said he would be back by a certain time. he didn't. he also forgot his key. i was a little upset but its okay.
the yesterday he said " can i go out for an hour to bike ride"
i said yeah sure. he was gone for 3 hours and forgot to wash the baby bottles, his one household job he said he would do.
i then found a beach ball in the hall way. i asked him "when did you get that ball?" yesterday he said. he then told ,me he walked into a group of people he knows at another pub.
he went to the beach with this girl.
the thought of them being half naked in the ocean together is driving me crazy. why didn't he tell me yesterday when i asked him what he did and how was his bike ride. is he trying to hide this from me?
he said he would have no more contact with her and now they are going to the beach together?
i'm so confused. i still have postnatal depression and finding it hard to understand what to feel. please can you offer kind support/advice?