I'm separated and have been seeing what I thought was a lovely man for nearly 8 months now. For the first 6 months everything was wonderful and I was really happy. However, in the last two months there have been 3 episodes of my partner suddenly getting angry for no apparent reason. It's as if his face changes in a split second and a red mist descends. When he's like this and I ask him what's wrong he says "nothing" but continues to be angry. He snaps at me, makes little digs at me, makes fun of me and tries to initiate sex - I refuse to have sex with him when he's like that. Twice I have woken up to the sound of him laughing at me which was creepy and scared me. I've told him this behaviour is unacceptable and upsets and frightens me. He says he doesn't know why he behaves like this and can't tell me what triggers it. We have a shared friendship group (that's how we met) and I'm pretty sure no one would believe he could be like that as he comes across as so lovely, I'm pretty shocked myself. We're in our late forties and both have a lot of emotional baggage/issues. Is this abuse? I have Asperger's syndrome so often don't trust my own judgement.