How can I improve my social skills?

[PotNoodlePlease]

I’ve quite simply never had good social skills. I’m impatient, nosey, argumentative, etc.

I know that these aren’t good traits, but I don’t know how to improve upon them.

Is there a way that I can practically improve myself?

I’m in my late 20s, single, and I have few friends. I know that I’m going to have a lonely life unless I get help. Any advice?

I think it’s good that you are self aware - that’s a starting point.

Maybe keep a journal and think of ways you could have improved on an interaction you have had that day.

You just have to think before you speak. Once your in the habit it's easier. Think about how others may perceive what your saying. You think about your words and then how they're interpreted. Some people however always take offence it's like a sport to them so be wary of those saddos!!!

Is there an activity that you enjoy that you can do in a group, that way you have a framework for interaction with other participants? It's different to argue black is white than to argue the benefits of Swedish fartlek training for gymnasts (if you're a gymnast or a fartlek trainer obviously)

Bite your tongue rather than argue or show passive aggression. Brush it off in your mind and learn to forgive. You'll feel healthier for it.

Thanks for the comments/ advice.

Yes, a lot of people do tell me that I need to think before I act. Like I said though, I’m very inpatient!

Can I suggest one thing - it is ok to have few friends, provided the ones you have are the right ones. For years I’ve listened to my mum add the phrase ‘she/he has lots of friends’ as a way of equating that with them being good people, but actually I’ve realised that having lots of people to go drinking with or whatever doesn’t necessarily solve the loneliness.

However, it doesn’t sound like you feel like those friends are the right ones for you, right now. My advice would be to (a) put more effort into the friendships you have, (b) push yourself to make conversation with people you work with, people who do your hair etc (I used to go for drinks with the girl who did my hair for a while). (C) exercise classes, running, learn a language or go on meetup.com and see what’s out there. Can you cook? Want to learn?!

I’m off to google Swedish fartlek training now

And also - there might be a reason you’ve developed these traits..

Have you thought about counselling?

Those arent good traits but you are self aware so you can change that.
Impatient- practice counting for a few seconds before replying or acting. It might just give you time to think .
Nosey - just don't ask for more information. Take a hint if someone isnt willing to talk much about a topic
Argumentative - stick to voicing yourself unless you know something is a fact.

What about trying to develop compassion both for yourself and those you're talking to?

You are who you are - nosy, impatient, argumentative might just point to a passionate, curious nature! Regarding others compassionately, however, might remind you to go more gently on them and tame yourself a bit?

I hate the idea of you moulding yourself into something bland and generally acceptable when with a bit of tweaking you could turn those 'negatives' into positives

Memorise “sympathy bites” for each occasion as the situation dictates? Slowly weave them into the conversation and you’ll soon be a natural x