Help needed

[Owlgirl1987]

I have been married for 8 years and we have been together for 13 years and have a 5 year old child. I have always had issues with my body and with my confidence. My marriage is really struggling at the minute. My husband said he feels like I'm suffocating him at times as I ask who's he's messaging and he feels like I get the face on when he wants to go out without me. We've just had an argument and he said he doesn't know what he feels or what he wants to do anymore. I really want us to sort things out so much. I just don't know what to do to make things better. Just looking for any advice.

These 2 possible situations.

He is up to something, hence not happy being asked who he is messaging and you trying to curb his enjoyment of being out.

Or that actually your Insecurity is really suffocating. Exh used to be like that. I couldnt even look at my phone when it went off without a barrage of questions. I remember once shouting 'it's a fucking candy crush notigaction'. In the end, I used to angle myself so he could see my screen because I got so fed of him questioning me all the time. Then he would want to know what I was talking about, when I told him who.

He also used to cause a high argument when I went out. He would be fine when I went. A complete cunt when I came back. He once told me my 9 year old had been in tears worried about where I was. I just said 'surely you comforted her and explained that mum has gone for tea with a friend and will be home soon and that its entirely normal to go out.' Nope he hadnt.

No one here can tell you which is was happening here.

Sorry meant to say, its hard to give advice if we dont know what the issue is.

Do you always ask who he's messaging and go in a mood if he goes out? Knowing if you do or not would probably get you better advice. Is he just saying you do but you don't actually feel like you do?

I know I am insecure about myself and my confidence is low, but I am trying to improve that by healthy eating and I have joined the gym. I don't stop him going out and I don't get face on, just sometimes I feel like we don't go out enough as a couple and I sometimes feel like I am missing out. I think it is me that has caused all of this and I really need to work on things and change things, I really don't want to loose him, he means the absolute world to me. I just don't know what I can do.

He said to me that he gets annoyed with me asking who he's messaging so sometimes he tells me he's not messaging anyone.

But do you ask alot?

I don't know, I don't ask all the time, but husband says I ask alot

Is there a background to you asking? Has he been unfaithful in the past?

Years ago before we were married he had a kiss with a girl he used to work with on a night out. He is one of 2 team leaders at work and he is very close to the woman who is the other team leader and they have flirted before and they txt alot. I don't know if I am being paranoid and looking into things too much or if he is just waiting for a time to leave or is only staying with me because of our son.

I think probably the thing to do is work on your own self-confidence and self-worth, maybe with counselling.

If he's cheating, you grilling him won't stop him or cure it, and if he's planning to leave you when your dc is older, it won't stop him doing that either. If he's not cheating or planning to leave you, you grilling him is likely to push him into leaving and/or resentment. So it's a pointless activity that feeds your insecurity and does nothing to stop what you fear from happening, happening if it's going to.

So you need to start feeling like a. you'll get through if he does leave and b. that you're worth sticking around for. Which counselling and a change of focus in your life will help with.