If I were to leave my husband, how would I survive?

[Touchtheground]

I really think it’s a possibility as we just don’t seem to get on. We are both older parents to a 20 month old. He is always so bad tempered and hates everything, I just don’t know if I can put up with him going forward, we just don’t ever seem to have those fun romantic times, and this is from before our dc was born so I don’t think it’s down to that as he adores her but it doesn’t help that he never gives me a break from having her either.

Also I have gone right off sex, I assume due to age, even though I have had a baby at a later age it was by IVF so not sure if it’s that combined with obviously he isn’t attracting me anymore as he’s rarely nice to me and never engages with things I’m interested in.

How would I cope if we split? I didn’t return to work after having our dc but he works long hours in a secure job, we own our house which is being renovated and a flat. I know the obvious answer is to sell but the house needs finishing and where the flat is isn’t ideal for children. Any work I could get would be wiped out by nursery costs, I just can’t see how I’d do it now. Prior to having my dc I worked since I was 14.

Tims yes how dare mothers take time to look after their children as we all know that’s not what happens in nature. Anyway that a whole another pc argument.

We're not gerbils, Orange. It's 2019. Nothing PC about it, the government has made it clear it's no longer going to support one parent to stay at home ad nauseum to look after children so it's best to get with the programme and make sure you can, to the best of your abilities, support yourself. Humans have two parents, either one is capable of looking after children (barring disabilities or abuse).

We're not gerbils

I should hope not! Gerbils will eat their young when the going gets tough.

50/50 surely is good from a childcare standpoint as you only have to pay for half the childcare- it cuts the cost of raising kids in half.

However, studies have suggested that it may be harmful for very young children to regularly spend nights apart from their primary care giver, so 50/50 may not be appropriate, depending on the age of the children in question.

Hi I’ve separated from my husband of 20 years we have two beautiful children one of which is disabled I’m still living in our family home and he has moved out, I currently work and have received my 1st universal credit to help me (which has a lot) it’s so scary but I know I can do this they have recently asked me for my husband previous 12 months earnings which he has questioned I’m not sure why they have asked can any one help

Hi @Ittoim

I'm guessing you're new to Mumsnet, and sorry you're having a hard time. You sound very strong and capable, so I'm sure you'll get through it. This is someone else's recent thread- the best way to get answers will be to post your own thread, probably on the chat or legal boards. I think there's one for separated parents too, hang on- I'll look.

Here you go, it's lone parents:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lone_parents

Go to that page and click 'add thread'. Give it a title and then copy in what you posted above and hopefully someone in the know will come along to help soon.

Thankyou x