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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH said he hates how he looks.

2 replies

couchparsnip · 27/08/2019 10:25

DH has been getting very down about his appearance lately, to the point of depression and social anxiety I think. I have social anxiety myself and have had CBT to get over the worst of it so I know how debilitating it can be.

We talked last night and among other things he said he never looks in the mirror as he can't stand looking at himself. He doesn't want to see what other people see. It broke my heart and I am kicking myself I haven't realised its got that bad.

He managed to lose weight last year and felt much better but then got injured so couldn't exercise for months and the weight piled back on. He's started again but it's a slow process. At the moment he feels its too hard.

He is obviously ill but wont go to the GP. I have made a couple of appointments for him but he makes excuses and I have to cancel. I did think about tricking him into going by making an appointment for him and saying its for me and I need him with me. But then that might backfire and make him worse

What should I do? Has anyone been through this?

OP posts:
ravenmum · 27/08/2019 10:32

Do you have children?
Maybe you need to get angry and say that you/the kids need a healthy husband/dad, and that if he cared about you he would be doing something about his mental health.

Maybe it needs to get worse before it gets better. I didn't go to the doctor's until my exh left me and I was in a total state. In some ways I'm almost grateful for him being such a shit that I took action.

beccarocksbaby · 27/08/2019 10:41

Unfortunately until he's ready to do something about it then all you can do is gently encourage.

Make healthy meals
Exercise together as family

I did a lot of this when my husband was in the same boat and never once mentioned anything to do with it being exercise or healthy just carried on as normal. He stated to feel a bit better and then he joined WW and he's doing pretty well.

Less focus on it whilst making healthy changes seems to be a gentle way to start.

Being down doesn't mean he needs a GP appointment necessarily and until he wants one you can't make him.

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