Should I be suspicious of this mans intentions?

[ChippyPickledEggs]

There's a bloke I know who's part of a weekly group I attend. I've never had all that much interaction with him. I'm not all that keen on him really.

But he's re-training for the same job that I currently do and recently asked would I go for a coffee with him to give him some tips and information. I was slightly about it because he's married and I wasn't sure what his agenda was but gave him the benefit of the doubt. It's tough to retrain as an older adult and I definitely had some info he could use.

About an hour before we were due to meet for the coffee in a smart local hotel, he texted to ask if he could buy me lunch too? Lunch there would have been very expensive, a time commitment I wasn't prepared to make, and I was already slightly unsure about meeting for the coffee. So I said a polite no thank you, I had already eaten.

We had the coffee and actually it was fine. I didn't get any sleazy vibes and he talked openly about his wife. I shared the info he wanted and all seemed appropriate. But he's recently texted again asking for another meet up so that he can return the favour and help me with some marketing for my business. Now to be fair I did say marketing was something I struggled with and I'd be happy to get some tips. But I didn't say anything about physically meeting up again. As far as I was concerned, it was a one off.

Is he just being nice or is this dodgy? I'm not in any way interested in him. I wouldn't be even if he was single - he's just not my type. I don't want to give him the wrong idea, and I don't want to put myself in an awkward position. Am I being overly cynical or is he fishing?

Tbh, if men are talking openly and positively about their wives they are unlikely to be about to hit on you and, IME, do this to communicate that to you as much as anything.

Two men I know recently asked me to join their band. Both are married. I didn't know either of them beforehand. It's usually just the 3 of us for hours on end and, so far, they've both managed to talk about their wives and not hit on me. Not all men are faithless sleaze

So far sounds harmless to me, just a networking thing. If you have a niggling concern then maybe you could take him up on his offer but bring along someone else related to your place of work / your business?

Let him know you're doing so and if he's shady he might bail, but if I was him I personally would be pleased you were bringing someone else along as it's another contact and networking opportunity.

Stay safe and keep your wits about you but so far it just sounds legit - if you feel uncomfortable then it's up to you to not meet up.

Ok well this all sounds pretty reassuring. More than happy to accept I'm being overly cautious. It's too much bloody Mumsnet

I could do with tips re marketing but I don't really want to be friends. I think he may be a bit lonely. His wife works away for most of the week and only returns at weekends and as he's between careers he seems at a bit of a loose end? He's been kind to me but we're very different people. He's a bit Daily Mail, I'm a bit lefty; he's a bit stiff and buttoned up; I'm a bit sweary... etc. We're just not compatible, even on a platonic level.

I am fairly ignorant of how networking in business circles works though, whereas he won't be, having had quite a high flying career before. Perhaps this is just how it's done. I'm self employed.