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Being second best?

4 replies

SecondBest1 · 26/08/2019 22:10

Please can I have some advice and maybe a reality shake here Grin

So I started seeing a man casually about a year ago, we agreed FWB, we met on a casual dating site. Never agreed exclusive, both free to date others.

We have got on very well, watch films, make dinner together etc, always stay over. I stopped seeing him for a few months as I told him I had feelings and he didnt want a relationship, fair enough. We kept in contact by phone etc even though stopped seeing each other. I had a crisis a couple of months ago and he stepped in and was really kind, wonderful, helped me a lot, always on text, phone etc, sent flowers, spent time with me (no sex).

Since then we have become very loving. So I asked him if he wanted more than friends, as I want to carry on dating otherwise. We both revealed we felt in love etc, but he said he has a long distance relationship with someone else and basically he has to decide whether to end that or not to see me.

We have never been exclusive, but I have withdrawn now (this only happened today) as I'm not willing to be second best. I dont think I want anything casual with him either as I have feelings for him. I know casual to proper relationship is tricky, but am I right to walk away now? Unless he were to offer proper dating? Nb I dont have hard feelings towards him, just dont want to get hurt.

OP posts:
helpmum2003 · 26/08/2019 22:14

Sounds reasonable. Don't accept less than you want.. Also infection risks if not exclusive....

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/08/2019 22:19

Walk away. Be someone’s first choice.

SecondBest1 · 26/08/2019 22:32

Thanks. He knows how I feel now, so it's his choice not to date properly. I have more pride than to see him casually as second best.

OP posts:
ConfCall · 27/08/2019 00:15

The ball is in his court now.

If he doesn’t finish with the other woman, I think you should cut contact/block so he doesn’t drift back into your life at a later stage when it suits him.

All or nothing.

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