My husband is stressed and being unkind to me

[Sara2117]

We have been married for 3 years, my second marriage his first. We are in our 50s. Whenever my OH is stressed he takes it out on me, I understand completely why he is upset atm and am being completely supportive. Yesterday I had quite bad IBs and unfortunately we were going out to lunch, I rarely tell him if I feel unwell as I don’t get any sympathy lol but I couldn’t really eat anything so I told him (I think going to the loo every 10 minutes might have been a giveaway). This morning he practically ignored me (he always does this if we’ve had an argument which is rare and usually over nothing important) so I carried on as normal - seeing to our animals, went shopping etc. When I came home he had disappeared without taking his phone, I was worried about him, after an hour he came back from a walk. I have tried repeatedly to ask him what’s wrong, the only answer is that I ruined the weekend by being miserable yesterday, I didn’t even lay down when I felt really poorly! He finally told be to go away and not talk to him. He has now gone to bed after drinking cider all day and I’m in the spare room with the dog. I have had never experthe cold shoulder treatment before I met him, my ex and I just had a good shout. He can carry this on for days, it feels like a kind of abuse 😟 has anyone else had experience of this?

OK, so this isn't a one off but a habit.
Giving someone the silent treatment isn't like abuse, it is abuse. You were ill. He knows you have IBS, he must know you will have bad days when you won't be able to function. Blaming you for having a bad day isn't on.

I'm sorry, but I think you need to ex him.

It feels like abuse because it is abuse.
He sounds horrible. He's sulking because you were ill! Was he not getting enough attention?
Next time, go to bed if you don't feel well, trying to minimize the pain you are in obviously doesn't work.
Or you could just tell him if he does that again he's out. You don't have to put up with that abusive, manipulative nonsense.

Sulking is extremely childish. He needs to buck his ideas up or he'll lose you - let him know that. IBS is horrible when it flares up.

Yes it is abuse.
LTB.

Thanks, I know really by the way he makes me think it’s my fault. My ex cheated on me and I felt like a complete failure. I feel as if my sons and family will think I’m hopeless if this relationship doesn’t work either. He is generally such a kind man, I don’t work and he works really hard, I have Sheep, ducks etc and he is always building stuff for them. But when he gets in a mood he is so horrid, unfortunately his father is the same so I guess it’s leaned behaviour. We also live in a small rural community a long way from our families although I have a good friend in the village. I think I need to be more independent and toughen up.

He is not a kind man
You need to do the Freedom Programme

No Emma he doesn’t sound kind at all does he? Can I change him by telling him how this makes me feel. I’ll google the freedom programme

No you can't change him.
Read "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft.

Here are the abuser profiles which are from the book

There is a course near me, starting in September.

This is abusive behaviour. Silent treatment because you were poorly?!? Massive red flag. You cannot let that carry on. What would happen if there was a real problem in your lives? What is he expecting? You to apologise for being ill? I had an ex like this. I hurt my leg very badly and couldn’t walk. He threw a tantrum. It’s uncaring, selfish and abusive. Best thing I ever did getting rid of him

I would be putting laxatives in his food and see how he feels about going out for lunch.

@justasking111 lol

@Tongo I don’t understand it, I broke my arm 2 years ago and he supported and looked after me. It’s like he’s scared or threatened by me being unwell.

Sorry sounds like he is sulking like a child trying to get his own way.
And sorry completely off topic - I found my IBS awful in my 20s, had colon irrigation once a month for a year (with a therapist who used to be a nurse - you need to pick the right person with lots of experience) and 20 odd years later still don't have IBS. My children have hyperomobility and I met a researcher looking into hypermobility and IBS - the gut muscles not functioning properly all the way through the digestive track.
So the passage of food is sometimes too slow and other times too fast. Colon irrigation helped clear out both small and large intestine and really improved things.

I find a couple of days just drinking water helps if it’s been really bad. Eating out always makes it worse even with choosing sensible plain dishes.

Do the freedom programme
Consider whether you think you should be treated kindly all the time. Not occasionally. Not when he's in a good mood. All the time.