Sulky husband

[1bubbles1xl]

Please can I have some advice on how to cope with a husband that sulks.
He's been giving me the cold shoulder for nearly a week now.
We had a small argument and this is how he behaves afterwards.
I've said all the sorries, tried to act normal and pretend I've not noticed his sulks.
But tonight I asked him how long he was going to keep it up for this time.
He was so angry and started to shout at me.
I just don't know how or what to do.
I've never had to deal with a person that behaves like this.
We have been together 7 years. This happens probably 3 or 4 times a year.
It's really getting me down now.

Can I ask what the argument was about? If he’s just being petty about something minor, just ignore it, show him it doesn’t bother you, don’t let him see it’s upsetting you. Just carry on as normal and don’t give him a reaction. If it carries on much longer I’d start to wonder if there was something else going on with him.

Sulking is a mechanism used to gain control, power & to punish you. What is his reason for sulking here?

The easiest coping strategy is to keep going on & let the sulk blow over. Let him know you're here if he wants to talk, then just continue on with life until the mood passes. It's hard, but you have to act like you don't care, it doesn't affect you, like water off a duck's back.

He blew up when you said "how long are you going to keep it up for this time?" they want you to apologise & repent for whatever crime you have committed. By you trying to get him to actually own his sulk may have set you days back!

Sulkers are so immature. Look at him like a toddler, he will get sick of his strop eventually, but at the time the behaviour is deeply unpleasant.

My DH used to do this. Just go out and find fun stuff to do. Just be polite around him but don't try to engage. When they realise it doesn't upset you or affect you even if it does then it stops. Good luck.

Nightmare. I'd actually check in to a hotel tomorrow night. Little fucker. Don't know what it's about obviously but if it's about something minor and he either won't discuss it or is punishing you with his moody silence, take yourself off somewhere for a night.

I’m divorced from my sulker. It was no way to live, the stress was affecting my physical health, and life is so much better without that shit.

We argued because of our sons.

I have mine and he has his.

As soon as my son left full time education, my husband made sure he started paying rent.
Which is fair enough.

But when his son decides to quit college half way through his course because he keeps failing his maths gcse and needs this to be on the course.
His son says I'd rather work full time.

I said that he should start paying now then. My husband said no because he's only 17.

Which I feel is unfair on my son.

At the end of the day no matter how old they are. If they are working full time with no school or college to go to. Then surely they should pay.

Now we are not talking loads here.
Just £25 a week each.

If not about the money as we don't need it. I just feel it's not fair on my son having to pay and his son not.

So I said. My son is not paying until yours does.

That's what I think sent him into his sulk.

I agree with you and can’t be doing with sulking or shouting, totally unacceptable.

The responsibility for the sulk is all his and has nothing to do with you. Certainly do not try and jolly him out of it or even talk to him saying that you're here for him etc. Ignore it and carry on with your day.

He does this because he can and it works for him. It is often learnt behaviour; probably one or both his parents acts in this same manner.
You're being punished by him for this transgression on your part re your son.

Sulking is also another form of emotional abuse and abuse is about power and control. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none. You and he should not be at all together now, its not working out (he does not like your son at all) and the relationship should be at an end.

My Mum was married to a sulker.She divorced him.

He's trying to manipulate you.

If he can make you upset (via sulking) then, when he does talk again you will be so relieved to have him back to normal that you won't challenge him. His son will pay no rent (because you won't want to upset the applecart again) and he will have got his own way.

His shouting at you when you tried to challenge it was his way of making sure you don't step over the line again.

Honestly? Sulkers never change. It's all about getting their own way (I divorced mine). Silly little baby boys that can't use their words to explain their point of view and try to intimidate you into going along with them.

Stonewalling (which is what this actually is) is really bad behaviour and one of the four horsemen of marriages according to Gottman.

This is a good article and video on it

www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

Honestly it's so manipulative but also there are often behaviours on both sides that lead to it. Sometimes there's not and it's just plain manipulation but then that depends on your relationship and your husbands general behaviour

Thank you for all your help and advise.
I've not spoken to him about his behaviour and just tried to carry on as normal. I'm slowly getting my nice husband back. But this is nearly 2 weeks now.
Spent all day yesterday out with my mum and spending today with my sister.
He can sulk at home on his own. Xx

Show the dickhead this thread.

I've had divorced him by now.
you're more patient than I am.