Misread a colleague's signals

[MrsBsbook]

For the past 2 or 3 months, single colleague (Brian) and i (also single) have spent quite a bit of time together socialising outside work as friends but with some occasional flirting. I thought that something 'romantic' was developing between us, but thought it best to take things slow as we work together.

About 3 weeks ago Brian suddenly went cold, all suggestions to meet up were politely rebuffed and in work he was sometimes a normal colleague but at other times clearly avoided me. I knew that he had some stuff going on outside of work and thought that maybe he just needed some space.

Last night i found out that Brian has just started dating a new colleague who only joined the office a few weeks ago. I feel such an idiot, rejected, and also kind of angry with him for not fulfilling the idea I had created in my head. I not only feel like I've missed out on the chance of romance but also lost a friend. I've spent today trying to think of reasons why it wouldn't have worked anyway but that's not helping. Any other suggestions for how to cope with work tomorrow?

Ah that’s tough, especially if you’ve built it up in your head, and he’s really done nothing wrong. There’s really nothing you can do as such, apart from play it cool and as normal as you can manage. Smile, say hi, breezy breezy. Fake it til you make it.

You poor thing, that is very hard. But you have done nothing wrong. You will feel hurt for a bit but it will get easier.

@Yeahnahyeah1.... exactly this👍

When you say you took things slow do you think you gave him the impression that you were only interested in being friends?
Some guys will jump ship very quickly if a more alpha girl comes along and makes it clear she’s interested.

You can a). Try to win him back by telling how you feel or b). Just deal with the hurt until you get over it.

Option a will hurt a lot more than b if it doesn’t pan out for you though.

Just carry on being normally friendly as you would with anyone else. This feeling will pass. Neither of you have done anything wrong.

Eek. I wouldn’t try and ‘win him back’, you don’t need to be getting into a love triangle at work really!

I was in this situation some years ago. I stung quite a bit when he got together with the other woman, but when I had processed it and got over the hurt feelings, I was actually very glad that we had never been more than friends. It would have made working together really awkward.

You didn't give him clear enough signals so he has moved on. Best leave it be to be honest.

You’ve probably not spelled out what you wanted.

Dust yourself down & move on

Been there, done that! Once I got over the embarrassment I moved on...hope you can x