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Original poster

Anxious to date because of my weight

16 replies

Littlepurplespider · 26/08/2019 13:35

Last time I was dating several years ago, I was about 9.5 - 10 stone, around a size ten, and felt confident and happy at that size.

I’m at around 11 stone at the moment and feel shit about it, it’s really holding me back from dating and generally feeling good about myself. (I’m 5’6 so borderline overweight.)

I’ve actually lost around 2 stone since having DC to get down to 11 stone but really struggling to lose any more.

Has anyone else felt the same way and managed to get over their feelings/find a successful way to shift a bit of weight after stalling in weight loss?

TIA

OP posts:

GilbertMarkham · 26/08/2019 14:23

I looked up healthy weight chart for 5'6'' (for myself, I'm just under 5'6'') and was surprised it went from just over 8 stone to nearly 11 so, unless I'm misinterpreting it, 21stvisnf much overweight for that height.

The other thing that is say is that men all have different looks preferences and I know plenty of women bigger than you with devoted partners.

Losing weight wise - don't know how much time free you have but I find something halfway sociable and where you can build up to longer/harder exercise, like walking, hiking etc is a good way.

GilbertMarkham · 26/08/2019 14:24

*11 stone isn't much

Birdbox74 · 26/08/2019 14:47

I think a man is more likely to be put off my a woman obsessing about size and weight rather than the weight/size itself.

Confidence is key!

Most men are not in great shape too.

Dieu · 26/08/2019 15:19

I would love to be that light
I'm considerably heavier (and shorter!) and have had no problem finding dates. Usually they're not right for me, but dates nonetheless!
Go for it

funnylittlefloozie · 26/08/2019 15:25

I think a man is more likely to be put off my a woman obsessing about size and weight rather than the weight/size itself.

What she said. I am much shorter and fatter than you, and did not have a problem getting dates while i was single. My now-DP loves every short fat inch of me.

Pinteresque · 26/08/2019 15:27

nice one funny.

crikey, 11 stone is not even fat to me! I'm 5' 6" and would be positively thin at that weight. I am sure alot of it is your perceptions ...

CloudyWithAChance2 · 26/08/2019 17:01

If you’ve stalled in weight loss, you’re either eating too much or not exercising/active enough or both - focus on this as part of your lifestyle.
You’re clearly not comfortable at your current weight as it’s causing anxiety.
Some blokes may not care, some will.

tierraJ · 26/08/2019 17:41

To be honest I'm heavier than you at 12 stone & just under 5'4".

I'm on a diet & trying to lose 2 stone (I've lost 2 stone already) but I'm still trying to feel confident at my current weight & to wear clothes that are fashionable & look good now rather than in minus 2 stones time.

I also always make sure I look well groomed & have good posture & appear confident.
So it seems that men do find me attractive.

Unfortunately the ones I'm meeting in my day to day life are either married (!) & therefore not for me or single but I don't fancy them.

So I've got to get back to online dating again. If I go on an online date I'll be honest
and say I'm trying to lose weight.
The other way I'm trying to meet a man is through going to the gym. That way they'll know I'm making an effort to lose weight.

PennyPittstop · 26/08/2019 20:04

I know exactly how you feel. I'm the same height and a similar weight. Until severe depression triggered comfort eating I was 10 stone and size 10.
As others have said, different men like different shapes and a genuine man will want you for who you are and not the number on the scales or clothing size on the label. Wear clothes that flatter your current shaped. Eat healthily and exercise and I think you will be pleasantly surprised by how attractive men find you.

Dinks66 · 26/08/2019 22:30

I'm 5'5" tall and 11 stone 7lb. I don't have a problem with men wanting to chat to me, or go on dates. This is about self confidence and not weight. Look within yourself and find lovely things about yourself rather than focusing on weight. Good luck, be brave!

Maria53 · 26/08/2019 22:54

I understand how you feel. I recently got weighed and was a bit disappointed at my weight (12 stone at 5'5). I think I did too much emotional esting after a bad break up...

But when I think about it, I still get asked on dates and have men come on to me etc. So it's more how I feel about myself...which is important! I do feel sexy overall but would like to lose a stone or so

Atm I have a chronic illness so I'm mainly trying to control my weight through diet. I am trying new recipes which is helping me fall in love with food again and feel good about myself :) are you interested in cooking at all? Have any active hobbies that make you feel good about yourself?

StarsOutShining · 26/08/2019 23:00

Atm I have a chronic illness so I'm mainly trying to control my weight through diet. I am trying new recipes which is helping me fall in love with food again and feel good about myself

Maria I'm in similar position and also doing this, it does help.

Maria53 · 27/08/2019 00:01

I think because I feel kind of powerless with the chronic illness, it's good to feel I have some control over my diet and therefore my health.

Josuk · 27/08/2019 00:38

Bodypositive messages are OK.
However - OP isn’t happy with her weight. So - no amount of telling her she should be - aren’t helpful....

It’s great you lost weight after babies. If the loss has platoed - that means you are consuming too many calories. Food/diet is the main component of the weight loss. Exercise on its own won’t shift it - unless you spend hours a day doing it....
Generally - the best results I have seen is with strict limiting of carbs - especially the grains and starchy things.

Brandnewshit · 27/08/2019 01:47

I read this once, and it's stayed with me.
Imagine 2 women sat having a drink or lunch,
They are both the same height and weight, same BMI.
One is super confident, new outfit, hair and nails done.
The other is wearing a top she feels uncomfortable
One has recently lost a stone, one has put a stone on
They are both the same weight and BMI.
The difference is how they feel.
It's all about confidence and how you view yourself, not how others see you

You can only change how you perceive.yourself, not how others perceive you

butterflyFed · 27/08/2019 05:15

Sometimes I feel unattractive too. Not only my weight, but this feature or another. Then I look at the couples around me. There are women heavier than me with a partner who can't keep their eyes off them. There are women with not so straight teeth, all kinds of noses, ears and hair. With glasses, warts, facial hair and ugly clothes. None of this seems to matter to her a partner. So although there are some parts of me that I don't feel so proud of, none of it matters really to find a date/partner/love.

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