Mothers v mother in laws

[benjiman6]

My daughters recently widowed mother in law keeps trying to take my place
She is never away and even came on a Hilo day that I had booked which I was ok with
Now last night when I called she was there again at a barbecue that I wasn’t invited to until I called in .
This morning my daughter informed me that her mother in law was doing her a party for her birthday next week completely forgetting that I was doing a special dinner for her. and her family
Am I being unreasonable and perhaps a bit jealous .
I am widowed too and all of us live five minutes walk from each other .
I feel as her mother I don’t want to go to the party but do something else but it will cause bad feeling
Advice needed please

You are overreacting. You should be really pleased for your daughter that her MIL is actually nice to her - somehow this doesn’t seem to happen as often as you’d expect.

First off framing it as you vs her, is just setting up confrontational feelings.

Speak to your dd. Your dd didnt invite you to the BBQ and she forgot you were doing a birthday dinner.

You're blaming your daughter's mother-in-law for things that are your daughter's fault.

I understand why you are upset and probably you don't want to see your daughter's part in this. (We naturally want to blame the third party.)

I don't have a solution, sorry. Maybe say to your daughter that you love her and were looking forward to hosting her birthday dinner?

I know I think that even at 70 I have the green eyed monster which is so unlike me

Yes that hurt but to be fair as her mother in law was only recently widowed I think she is trying to be the perfect daughter in law

Yes I agree my daughter could have talked it over with me to see if I minded the change of plan