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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cheated on at 7 months whilst on holiday

7 replies

chare95 · 26/08/2019 09:10

I went abroad with my family for 2 weeks when I was 6 months pregnant and everything was fine with me and my partner. We had been planning on moving in together and getting married in 3 years time after going to a wedding together and when our next child would be. Then two days before my holiday finished we had an argument via text and he told me he didn't know if he was in love with me anymore. The fact this came out of the blue killed me enough.

When I first started seeing him before we got into a relationship he was sleeping around and couldn't commit properly. I guess this should have been a warning sign but then we got together and everything was perfect. He hadn't cheated once in the near enough 2 years we'd been together and we went through a miscarriage together last year. I had never even considered kids until I met him.

When I came home we said we would try work things out and get back on track after I questioned him why he didn't know if he loved me anymore and even questioned if he had been seeing someone else, which I wouldn't be mad about as it would give me a reason why. All he could say was he does not know why his feelings changed and there was no one else. So we tried but he never put the effort in or tried properly which eventually led to me ending it.

Then I found out through Facebook he was with another girl and commenting on his friends posts through her Facebook not even 2 weeks later. I went round his that night and made him give me his phone to find all the chats and nudes they had been sending to each other. They started talking the day before he told me he didn't know if he was in love with me anymore. I was 8 months pregnant by this point. I ended up having a panic attack in his room which his sister had to then come and help me get through as I wouldn't let him near me whilst he cried on his bed, hugging a baby grow, because he realised the effect he had on me and could have killed our son. I asked if he was seeing her still whilst we tried to sort things out and his response was no he was waiting and was going to get rid of her if things worked out. In other words he had her waiting on the side lines as a back up.

I have seen him since to try and organise how we are going to deal with the child arrangements once baby is here and we were civil. However, it kills me to know that he is still seeing this other girl and hasn't even given me chance to get over it. I can't help but think he got scared as the pregnancy hasn't felt real to him but I just don't know what to do. All his friends say they believe he is in love with me still but he really hasn't shown it and I do not want that kind of false hope. His sister is worried about him and I am too as he has always been fragile minded and never really been affectionate since he was cheated on in the past but that is no excuse.

I am trying my hardest to get better for our son and remain healthy but I am finding it so hard to eat and can't help but want him back as stupidly I am still in love with him and we were meant to do this pregnancy together. I had the image of our family in my head and it has been shattered. Has anyone been through something similar and what happened in the end? I just need advice as everyone in our life's are so deeply involved with either me or my ex the advice is biased.

OP posts:
something2say · 26/08/2019 09:38

He sounds too young for such a commitment as a baby tbh. He got you pg and cant handle it. Does that seem right to you? And therefore, how good is he as a safe choice for you really?? X

chare95 · 26/08/2019 10:06

I know considering he is 26 as well. I just don't know how I can walk away. I can't stop him from seeing our son when he is here so I need to be able to face him but I am still in love with him and it breaks my heart as before I went away he was getting his life together and maturing so much I just wish there was a way to make him see xx

OP posts:
something2say · 26/08/2019 10:16

Aaah he ruined it tho, such a shame x

TheStuffedPenguin · 26/08/2019 10:25

I can't help but think he got scared as the pregnancy hasn't felt real to him but I just don't know what to do.

whilst he cried on his bed, hugging a baby grow, because he realised the effect he had on me

because he realised the effect he had on me and could have killed our son

This is all too childish ! You need to forget all the fantasies you have been creating in your head and concentrate on the here and now .He doesn't want to be in that future of yours so start listening to him . It's not you walking away - it is him , he already has . Be a strong single mother the best you can be for your baby .

category12 · 26/08/2019 10:32

He was sleeping around to begin with, and he's sleeping around still. And he'll continue. He hasn't even ditched the other woman.

Do yourself an enormous favour and face the pain, end the relationship fully, and grieve what could have been. And get angry. He has nothing but pain to offer you. You deserve more, and you can have more.

MMadness · 26/08/2019 12:44

He’s a dick. Fuck him and the crap he’s put you through. Your son needs one strong parent to step up. It ain’t gonna be him.

Fragile? No. He’s not. He’s an entitled sod who picked a fight with you deliberately to shag someone else.

Nautiloid · 26/08/2019 13:56

I am so sorry this has happened to you.
You know who he is now. A selfish, lying, cheating fucker.
By all means grieve for the man you thought he was, but don't make the mistake of making excuses for him and taking him back.
This, now...that would be your life. Not how things seemed before.
Focus on yourself and your child. You deserve better than this man.

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