Still hung up on his ex

[Sky22x]

Currently sitting up in bed seething with a situation which has happened tonight and debating on my best approach. Opinions from outsiders is exactly what I need right now which you will understand as I go on.
I am 25, living in a small town in Mallorca for 2 years now. Where I live, everyone knows everyone so tonight's situation has done the rounds already I'm sure.
I recently started seeing someone.. he's Welsh, 2 years older than me, lived here for 4 years, best mates with my closest friends fella - I've known him for about 1 year altogether but the last 4 months we have become very close. The relationship is fun, exciting, passionate and loving (as expected in the first 4 months!) however, I am very aware (as is everyone else on this island) how deeply hurt he was in the winter by his ex.
He was with his ex for just under a year when it all came out that she was sleeping with a man he knew behind his back and to this day the ex and this man are still together.
It's known he has had several 'run ins' with this man and fought him a few times.. however since we started our relationship he insists he is completely over it and is over the moon to be with me.
Tonight I'm at work when he texts me saying 'babe, you're going to kill me - you know I love you so much but I've just lost the plot and gone to his work and smashed the place up - it's nothing to do with my ex as I hate her it's just I can't have him taking the piss'.
I read the message and didn't reply. Have since been told police are now looking for him to make an arrest - he's at home and told me to come straight over after work - no thank you.
So, despite the embarrassment of everyone on the island talking about this, plus that behaviour of a 26 year old 'man', plus him now being detained.. am I right in saying 'MY GOD HE IS NOT OVER HIS EX AT ALL!'.
Half my friends are saying it's the man he's angry with for betrayal and not his ex then again some friends saying he's clearly still totally bothered by her. I'm thinking f*ck this - 4 months in and drama already. I'm feeling second best and embarrassed. Then I'm being told I'm not being understanding. It's been 9 months since they split! Surely time to move on!?
Opinions please?

No, he's not over it but far more importantly you should be viewing this violent behaviour as a massive warning sign and running in the opposite direction. It doesn't matter why he's done it, any man who thinks it's acceptable to smash up someone's workplace for any reason is a risk. Just end it.

He’s 100% not over it, and the fact that he still feels “hate” towards her is proof of that. Hate takes energy and feelings to sustain, if he was over her he’d be thinking “blahhhh, whatever, let them get on with it”.

Massive red flag about all this anger and smashing things up and kicking off about loyalty and betrayal, etc. This man has an ego problem and he’s violent. You need to get away from him.

Yep, run and don’t look back. He is not over his ex AND he is a violent man. It could be your place he is smashing up next if you should meet someone else. Change your locks and thank your lucky stars you found out now, before you waste any more time on this thug.

Not good boyfriend material.

Whether he's over her or not he has smashed a place up in anger- he is a violent man who loses his self control- get out now.

You already knew he wasn't over her when you got together. There's no time limit in which you have to get over someone.

He's not over her and he's violent. Walk away.

His feelings for his ex are really a secondary concern. His aggression and resorting to violence as a reaction to being 'disrespected' are what you should be running from!

He is so territorial over women that he fights with the another man for 'taking the piss', smashes up the man's workplace and now has the police after him. All over being 'disrespected'? AND expects you to come running like a good little girlfriend? Wtf?!

What's he going to do when YOU disrespect him? Or if a guy tries to flirt with you at a bar? Or someone teases him as a joke? If you are foolish enough to keep seeing gim you will spend your time waiting for something to trigger his outbursts. Pulling him off complete strangers. And friends. Trying to talk him down before his fists start flying.

Run ffs! The 'run ins' were red flag enough. This is a huge sign from the universe that this guy is dangerous.

Who is he?
Headfuck.
Violent.
Embarrassing.

What approach should you take?
Break up.
Simple.

Half my friends are saying it's the man he's angry with for betrayal and not his ex then again some friends saying he's clearly still totally bothered by her.

Also what does it matter why he did it? Is that really your issue?! Not that he's had a violent outburst? And then called you unsupportive when you've questioned him about it... FFS.

Your red flag radar is spot on, he is not over it & still walking wounded from the break up. He is emotionally unstable & you'd be best to give him a wide berth. I could understand someone fully losing it this way & causing criminal damage at the time of the incident, but so long after means they are pretty unstable. I'm sorry to say but it sounds like he's just using you as a bandaid for his hurt feelings & bruised ego

Don't stay involved with someone who smashes places up and gets in trouble with the police, whatever the reason.

That ain't relationship material.

Be thankful and appreciate of the nice times you've had and any positive impact he's had in your life - but - get the fk rid and stay rid. You'll meet someone else.

Thank you ladies. You're right - that is worrying that the violent side of this didn't concern me. I'd had a few to drink last night at work and was so focussed on the whole ex aspect of it - like a loser.
I've received apology texts and a call but I've just told him kindly to not worry about continuing this anymore and to just focus on himself because he clearly needs help and that I'm taking myself away from this situation.
My birthday on Thursday and he had booked a hotel and spa day so I'm going to take one of the girls. Thanks again for all your comments - I needed the raw truth x

You seem to be so fixated on why he did it - and whether it means hrs not over his ex - that you're missing the far more important point....

That is not the behaviour of someone you should be in a relationship with. Not for any reason. Who wants to be with the raving, violent, childish, unstable fked up mess?

You're probably relying on the pill for contraception and that occasionally fails - you really really do not want to be knocked up by someone like this. He hadn't grown up. He may never grow up and always be unstable to some extent.

I'm sure he's a nice guy in some ways (they all are) but .... Gtfo of there. You're v young, concentrate on detaching and in time finding someone else who doesn't do shit like this.

Sorry, cross posted with your last post.

Oh yay good for you OP that's brilliant! Well done, you've massively dodged a bullet here and now you can enjoy your birthday without worrying 🎂