Frustrated Boyfriend - Opinions most welcome please!

[oncetwicethree]

Hi Mumsnetters,

I'm due to go on Holiday with my girlfriend and her family this week. I spent this evening out playing golf with my friends which she knew.

We were texting as usual throughout the evening, she then randomly dropped it on me that she 'didn't want to go' anymore due to feeling that her parents/family etc may feel uncomfortable us sharing a room under the same roof as them. (Fully understand this as it's the same if I even stay at her parents, we have to sleep separately.. we're both 25 and together for over a year now)

This completely shocked me, I thought all was fine as we were due to stay in a separate bedroom etc but this came about due to a comment her mum made to her dad tonight about perhaps them staying elsewhere so its not awkward or uncomfortable. This sent my GF into overthink/anxious mode hence dropping that text on me.

She then proceeded to send a flurry of texts, asking for a response sending me links to alternative accommodation and to give her an answer ASAP (full well knowing im out trying to enjoy my evening with my friends.. If i was to do that to her she'd be very angry with me)...

I wanted her to feel better and comfortable, so stepped away from the golf and we had a quick FaceTime. I explained I was a little shocked and it was indeed out of the blue, but if it will make her feel much better and her family more at ease, i'm happy for us to pay to stay elsewhere... I then said don't worry we'll work it out but it's hard to finalize right now as you know im out at the moment etc.. I was being very understanding and trying to put her at ease about it.. and then just jokingly said it was a little frustrating sending me continuous texts about this when you know i'm out, I was going to reply but was looking through the accommodation links you sent.. She then lost it and said very angrily "when am i ever like that with you?. etc" she then hung up on me, then text me 10 minutes after with "I don't want to go on holiday." Evidently took the comment to heart.. but hey, it was annoying and a bit unfair to do it like that right?

I haven't replied to her as thought it was best left.. plus what can I say to that? Thinking about texting in the morning to call me when she is free so we can talk about it properly..

I genuinely thought I was being good about the whole situation.. Have I been a dick here? :( I'm actually angry and upset hows she has gone about this...

Thanks

No you haven’t been a dick. She is being unreasonable.

She sounds like a spoilt little girl having a tantrum. One who is a 25 year old woman and still controlled by her parents to boot. I would seriously be rethinking this relationship.

I'd be giving her the solution to the accommodation issue, I'd be staying home and telling her to do some growing up on holiday.

It's weird you're not accepted in one room together at your age, and it sounds like your gf has more anxiety over things than other people (I don't want to internet diagnose her, this is an observation based on your words). What is her relationship with her parents like - obviously this was going to be a joint holiday but is she very much under their thumb still? Does she live at home? My partner and I don't ignore one another if one is out, we consider it normal to still message off and on, and this situation sounds like it warrants the messaging more than me and my partner checking in with each other and sharing some of what we've been up-to separately etc.

What? Are her parents living in the dark ages?

When I was dating my husband to be when I was 18, my parents just accepted we would be sharing a room.

Ugh, so she’s treated like child by her family and throws a toddler temper tantrum with you.

Wouldn’t surprise me if she fabricated the whole situation because you were out with your friends and she didn’t like that.

Tbh, isn’t it kind of weird to be holidaying with her family in your mid 20s?

Are they weirdly enmeshed and codependent?

Google enmeshed families.

Red flags all over the place

I wouldn’t pander to this tbh, cut loose and consider this to be a godsent opportunity to make fast escape.

Your gf is in the wrong

Have you and your gf had intimacy the full way? If not I don't see why you can't stay with them in separate rooms, fair enough.
If so perhaps the DPS just want you to have good adult time without feeling awkward.

I’m nearly 38, my fiancée is 45.
I’m living with my parents while I wait and recover from an operation. We have to have separate rooms when he visits. Going on holiday with my family and him wouldn’t be an option for us..........

Just wanted to say you’re not alone in strict parents/PIL to be!
(This is despite me having been married before, lived with various previous partners and alone, built and ran a small but successful business from scratch......)

@Spanielmadness

Why would you let your parents have that kind of control over you?

Might be why gf doesn't want to go any more.
OP why can't you just go on holiday by yourselves?

She might have panicked about not finding a place to stay, or felt really frustrated with her parents and took it out on you. I would suggest she just go and spend some time with her parents and you stay home.

Noooo go on your own holiday together
Sod the rules

She sounds hard work!

If she feels uncomfortable then she should pay for the alternative accommodation.
Stop enabling her behaviour.
And if she is so easily controlled by her parents maybe you should take this as a red flag and opt out of the relationship.

It's weird you're not accepted in one room together at your age,

My mother would never have allowed it at any age if unmarried. I had been living with my then boyfriend (now exh) for quite some time when we stayed at hers one night. She made him sleep in the caravan outside even though there was a spare room!