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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My spouse often lies to me...

9 replies

lostandwanting · 25/08/2019 22:11

I fully appreciate that this is only my perspective on matters, but I can't understand why my wife of 20+ years keeps things from me and blatantly lies to me, almost everyday.

It can be trivial things like "I texted you to say that I was going to be late", and the she disappears for hours saying "just popping out for a minute." She never tells me where she is going and if I ask she is evasive and vague. She lies about how much she earns, how much things cost, she cashed in a policy and then lied to me that she'd done it for months. Her parents gave her money and she lied about that. She always kept things from me about our kids, particularly schooling.

When I ask her about things she accuses me of being needy. I always thought that marriage was a partnership where we supported each other and carried the burden and triumphs of life together - it appears not. I know that this sounds like playing to the crowd, but I am good husband - I work (2 jobs) and do nearly all of the housework. We have no debts and I don't drink, gamble, or put me before my wife or family. She is the only woman I have ever loved and her dishonesty is breaking my heart. It's like I don't know what to believe anymore.

OP posts:
PennyPittstop · 25/08/2019 22:14

I think I would want to know what she is spending the money on and where she is spending all this time when she disappears.

RLEOM · 25/08/2019 22:25

There's nobody less trustworthy than a compulsive liar.

C0untDucku1a · 25/08/2019 22:27

Is she gambling?

lostandwanting · 25/08/2019 22:34

I can't believe that she is gambling, no it can't be that. I know that she has an overdraft (I have paid off £1000.00 already).

OP posts:
MazDazzle · 25/08/2019 22:37

Has she always lied?

Have you asked her about it?

I know three women who lie all the time. Even as they spout their lies, they know that everyone around them knows their are lying. They are full of shit and can’t help themselves. None of them have anything to hide, they’re just serial bullshitters.

Dawninglory · 25/08/2019 22:37

Out gambling came to mind for me too Op.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/08/2019 22:40

Has she always done this or is it new?

lostandwanting · 25/08/2019 22:45

What is particularly heartbreaking and feels like a betrayal of the feelings that I have for my wife is that I question many things that she tells me. Is there a hidden agenda? Am I being manipulated? I will put my hands up and say here that I am a beta-male. Years of dominance by my wife have contributed to that.

OP posts:
lostandwanting · 25/08/2019 22:47

I would say that this has existed for at least 10 years. I spent half of that time refusing to believe it - you do when you love someone.

OP posts:
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