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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dh still not getting it

8 replies

PaddingtonBearCanFuckOff · 25/08/2019 21:37

Dh and I separated earlier this year due to his complete inability to communicate with me or engage in family life. We have since had counselling, he’s opened up about a lot of things and we’re giving it another go. But he’s driving me mad and I don’t think he’s going to change.

He works away Mon-Fri. I have dc (7 and 3) full time and am a sahm. But he just doesn’t seem to understand that I might know a bit more about the dc’s than him. For example last night due to my dsis coming over dc’s went to bed late. Dsis arrived at 6.30ish and from 7pm onwards Dh was making a fuss about them having to go to bed or they’d be a nightmare the next day. I’ve been away with them all week and they’ve been staying up until 9ish then having a lie in. I tell Dh they’ll be fine and have a lie in, they’re not tired yet, they can stay up late as they haven’t seen dsis in months. Dh still insisting they’ll be a nightmare the next day, he can’t relax knowing the next day will be ruined etc. I give in at 8ish and spend the next hour trying to get them to sleep, missing seeing dsis as she’s sat downstairs in her own. Dh won’t put them to bed as they just scream for me and he gets in a huff.

I’ve tried encouraging him to do more with the dc or just stick it out when they ask for me. I’ve tried to gently tell him what the kids need/ like/ can/ can’t do but he always just knows best as their his kids too. It was his decision to work away and we discussed how it would impact on his relationship with dc.

I don’t know what to do. I find it really disrespectful that he thinks I don’t know anything about the dc I spend my whole life with. I don’t know if I’m just getting pissed off with him for no reason.

Sorry, not sure why I wrote this post. Just wanted to vent really.

OP posts:
Windydaysuponus · 25/08/2019 21:43

So basically he wanted them out his way so he could relax?
Your dsis must think you have made an error of judgement taking him back imo...
I certainly do!

31RueCambon75001 · 25/08/2019 21:46

He gets that you know more. But he also gets that he can control you with bad moods, criticism and complaints, so that you spoil yr evening just to suit his mrng.

From now on you need to learn not to care if he thinks you know tour own kids or not. Who cares ...

You have to do what suits you on yr time and let him so what suits him on his time, but dont do his bidding on your time. If he sulks, let him sulk and criticise but practice holding strong and not compromising yr own plan.

31RueCambon75001 · 25/08/2019 21:46

Oh you took him back? Oh dear.

Qcng · 25/08/2019 21:50

It sounds a lot like he just wanted you and the kids out of his way.

Give him what he wants, permanently.

timeisnotaline · 25/08/2019 21:50

Try again, get your sister to come around, tell him I’ve told you my opinion and also how I feel about you ignoring my parenting opinion, what you do with that is up to you, but I suggest actually spending some time with your dc would be a good start to bring entitled to an opinion, I’m goung out with sis? and go for a walk with her?
The result should tell you whether the marriage is a losing bet, which it does sound like.!

PaddingtonBearCanFuckOff · 25/08/2019 22:52

I don’t think he wanted them out of the way as such. He’s awkward around my dsis and probably wouldn’t want to spend one on one time with her unless he had to. He’s just decided it was time for them to go to bed and therefore I needed to put them to bed. They were really happy to see my dsis and there were no tears or upset, he just decided it was too late.

I was stupid to think it was going to be different wasn’t I? It seems like such a minor thing in the grand scheme of things but it just sums up his view of me.

OP posts:
Lillygolightly · 25/08/2019 22:59

F that for a game of soldiers!

I’d have told him that since it’s me that puts the kids to bed, it’s me who gets to decide when that is!

Any time he wants to dictate times regarding the kids he can roll his sleeves up get stuck in and deal with the consequences himself as you won’t be rescuing him when he decides it’s to hard.

Tongo · 25/08/2019 23:00

He sounds like a control freak. Wants his own way and his opinion trumps your opinion. What an arrogant, boring wanker. Aren’t you bored of tip toeing around him yet? You got rid of him once. Do it again. Even the kids don’t want him. Think the Universe is trying to tell you something

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