Been together 18 months and no commitment...

[AlwaysSunshine81]

Hi everyone.
I would like some honest opinions on my relationship. Been with someone for about 18 months maybe more. He has a 4 yr old. I have a 16, 12 and 4 yr old. We live separate lives. We don’t go out with the kids together and if we do it’s for an hour. He has no relationship with my children.
We get together on our own most of the time and have a nice time. Went away for 5 days couple weeks ago which was nice but it’s not reality....
I’m not really sure what I am expecting or am I expecting too much?

Have you spoken to him about this?

Also I am lucky that my 16 yr old babysits for me if I go to his

What do you WANT? Do you want marriage or to live together? Have you actually talked to him about the future and his expectations? If not, why?

I spoke to him last year about it and he said we would get together more worh the kids and it hasn’t really happened, sometimes it annoys me and other times it doesn’t. I guess I just don’t really know what I want but it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere!

I guess in an idea
World I want to be with someone who wants to do family days out and be a bit more involved in my children. I don’t want to live with anyone cos I enjoy my own space.

Where would it go? Do you want to remarry, have another child?

oh, crossposted.
Is it a big deal if the kids are not involved? I can kind of understand why he might want to go slow on that with the little one.

Yeah it’s fine to go slow.
I don’t want to re marry and I don’t want anymore children!

When I started dating at 45 it took me a while to get used to the idea that it didn't have to go anywhere - as I didn't want to move in with anyone either. I'm now in a relationship where we meet 2-3 days a week, usually just us. At first it was weird as I was so used to being a wife, and to the old pattern of meet - date - move in. But I've got used to it. Do you think it might just be the same thing for you?

It seems to me you have pretty much exactly what you want. If you don't even want to live with him, I don't see why it's necessary that he be more involved with your children.

I agree with the posters above. If you don't want to live together, get married or have more kids then this sounds like the perfect relationship for you! Are you sure you don't want more commitment just for the sake of it? Remember that blending families can lead to its own problems too!

Having said all that, if you DO want something different, talk to him again and make some changes. What happens if you suggest an idea for a family day out? Does he refuse?

If you don’t want to live with him, marry him or have more children then leaving the existing children out of your dating life seems sensible so I can see why he would choose that option.

What will you do though if your sixteen year old gets fed up of babysitting or leaves home in a couple of years? Is this relationship going to go the distance given your casual wants?

Icecreams, I guess he would have to come to mine more.
I guess I’ve never suggested a whole day out so maybe I should

I commented on your April thread and have read others. The 5 day get-away was nice, but unless things have changed, you rarely go out anywhere, and mainly conduct your relationship alone in your homes. You want him to be more involved with your children.

Personally, I would not allow this man to be around my children. He has been aggressive and violent with you, and has disrespected your boundaries, sexual and otherwise.

You currently have another thread running regarding his ‘having a go’ at your 4 year old when she excitedly greeted him and inadvertently knocked into his privates. She didn’t understand at first and laughed, and he continued shaming her until you explained that it hurt him and she needed to say sorry.

You were previously advised to get away from this abuser, and you did break up with him last year. Now you are back together and are exposing your children to him.

What are you thinking?