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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need advice please

6 replies

User8812 · 25/08/2019 17:53

I met my DP over 2 years ago while I was visiting family in Nz. We clicked and got on so we’ll. We kept in contact when I returned home and 5 months later I returned for 3 months and we became an item while I was there. I came home and he followed me over a couple of months later and stayed for over a year. Unfortunately he has returned home, he didn’t settle here. It’s quiet, there isn’t much to do apart from walks and the weather was not great. He’s very outdoorsy and loves doing activities. He’s such a kind man and loving and I’m lost without him since he left. I get why he didn’t settle, when I went over to Nz it was a completely different lifestyle (which I loved). He is eager for me to come out there and give it a try. I’ve met all his family and they are lovely and supportive of us and encouraged him to move here initially to see if he liked it. My parents are elderly and in good health but they’d be very disappointed in me if I left. I am mid 30’s and he’s early 30’s. They really like him and found him very nice. I have a good job, which I don’t particularly love but it pays very well. It would be strange to have to look at getting work elsewhere.It’s quite specialized so it’s not something I could do over there. I think my parents would be devestated if I left although I can take a career break. We’ve spoke about having kids and he said he would love to have them with me at some stage. Im just so confused on what to do. Do I follow my heart but disappoint everyone at home? I have good friends but don’t see them that often anymore due to them having kids etc. I’m very alone and I feel everyone else has their shit together and I’m still up in the air. I don’t have a mortgage or any loans either. I’m quite a logical thinker do in my head I think of the worst outcomes and if it doesn’t work out I’d be older and have to start looking for someone else if I wanted to have children. My brain feels scrambled! Has anyone any advice for me or any experience with this? Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
adayatthebeach · 25/08/2019 17:58

I’d follow my heart but only if we both wanted marriage but I’m old fashioned. Even though you support yourself I’d want security for my children. You said you both want them.

lovebeingmum9 · 25/08/2019 18:03

hi op don't have any experience but my advice is to go with your heart! never mind disappointing people here you have to give it a shot for yourself! you have nothing to loose in trying it,if it's not for you in a few weeks/months time then move back and at least you can say you tried it,put it down as a life experience! your parents/friends should and probably will be happy for you despite missing you but as a mum myself your happiness to them should mean more! Smile good luck!

Bradbury301 · 25/08/2019 18:17

Take the career break and just do it. Life is too short. Obviously look out for yourself and make sure you will be okay if it went wrong.

Cailinnua · 25/08/2019 18:20

I had a friend in a very similar position, I’ll give you the same advice I gave her. What would you regret in the future, going and trying with him or staying and the “what if”? She went, got married and started a family. They eventually all relocated to her home country because it was best for their family. You’d be surprised how priorities change. Go with what feels right for now.

dancemom · 25/08/2019 18:23

Do it!
In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take

User8812 · 25/08/2019 22:10

Thanks so much to you all for your advice. I know you’re right but I’m just nervous. Plus I hate disappointing people! Confused

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