What do I do?

[Imakitchensink]

There has been hellup here.
My DH came in from outside to see our dog on the sofa, he shouted and the dog jumped down and hid under the table. He went to grab the dog and he has nipped him on the hand. My husband went nuts, hit the dog and shouted blue murder at him saying he was going to kill him etc. I came in telling him to stop, leave the dog alone etc and he went nuts at me then shouting he was going to kill the dog and don’t I care that he was bitten? My 11 year old DD heard all of this so I put the dog in the kitchen and went to console her as she was hyperventilating.
Afterwards I told him he ever scares my children like that again I’ll leave! He’s now trying to turn it on me saying i obviously don’t care if the dog bites the kids and I’m wrong.
Our little dog who’s a Frenchie has never shown one ounce of aggression before but he is scared of my DH I think. It’s all also my fault as I haven’t trained him properly apparently.
Obviously I don’t want my dog who I love dearly to bite my kids but I think DH has brought this all on himself with the way he treats him.
I don’t even know what to do!! Just needed to get it out I suppose!

Ditch the DH. Keep the dog. The dog isn't aggressive--your husband is. The dog bit him because it was frightened.

I agree, the husband is way more dangerous than the dog. He clearly has anger issues. Who thinks its ok to treat a defenseless animal like that? The way people treat animals shows their character!

Ditto

It's not normal or acceptable to threaten to kill a dog. Your OH sounds frightening. I'd leave if I were you (easier said than done, I know, but I genuinely would.)

Poor dog. So when your husband shouted at him to get off the sofa, the dog immediately did this and hid under the table. (he did what was expected of him and that should have been that - although I don't agree with the shouting at all). The fact that your DH then tried to grab him from his 'safe place' was uncalled for and the dog bit him out of fear.

You definitely have a DH problem, not a dog problem.

Oh, and this wasn't an unprovoked attack by the dog, it was justified IMO.

There's no chance this is the only time your husband has been so violent and abusive.

Poor dog, poor dd, time to put her first

I'm not sure it's a good idea to give him the green light to do this again, by saying that you'll leave him only if he repeats the behaviour. What you describe is really bad. Your dd is scared and your dog is behaving like he feels under threat.

Can you not see that you need to end this relationship?

Is dd his?

Is dd his?
^^ this.
If this is a second marriage for you, he isn't your DD's father, he moved into your home already complete with your dog then it sounds like a twat trying to spray his testosterone over everything & be in charge.
I agree that keeping the dog & binning him is the way to go.

I agree. Keep dog bin the “man”

Wow that is not an acceptable level of aggression for that situation, has he been violent at all? Both the dog and your DC sound like they were scared of him.

Plus, he never has to do a single further thing for your DD to be scared of him.

Sorry but seeing an adult behave like this will put her in constant fear of upsetting him, even if he is nice.

How you react will ultimately determine whether she feels that she can trust you to protect her or not

If your dog is scared of your DH you have a duty of care to your pet to not put them in that situation.
Your DH sounds like an absolute tosser.

It is decision time right now.

Your child or your DH

If the dog immediately hid when your DH (D meaning dickhead) shouted at it he's obviously been seriously aggressive towards it before. Your husband has very clearly shown you who he is today. I personally wouldn't want to live with someone who displays that level of aggression towards a tiny animal and in front of a small child.

The kids are his and we’ve been together a long time. He doesn’t like the dog but today was a whole new level of anger. He’s never been violent towards me and I don’t think he would be at all but I do not like the way he’s acting around the children and teaching our very impressionable DS how to act toward animals. He’s of the opinion he’s only a dog whereas to me he’s a member of our family and we love him dearly.
He knows he’s gone to far as he’s being all kind and nice now 🙄
I’m just not happy at all!! Time to get those ducks in a row

I've always found dogs to be a very good judge of people's characters. My DH resents my dogs and it's always a big issue between us so I know a bit about how you feel. Personally I would ditch your DH and keep the dog. The dog bit him due to his own behaviour but your DH is the type never to accept that he could be at fault.

How can you stay with this excuse of a man ?He scared your dd and threatened to kill your ddog.!

So he raged at your pet, scared it shitless, threatened it and physically asaulted it, scared your daughter to the point of hyperventilating and blamed you for it all?

His bags would be packed and on the doorstep before the hour was out.

He is an animal abuse, everything else asside, if someone saw that they would be within their rights to call the RSPCA. And the police.

Absolutely no way would he be allowed anywhere near the dog ever again. And I get rid of him sooner than it, because HE is the problem.

You need to show your kids too how unacceptable that sort of behavior is.

You could try to have your DH rehomed. But he may end up in kennels for ages, as nobody wants an angry, aggressive DH in their home.

xD as Diana says. They'd probably have to put him down. Probably for the best though.

I agree with the other poster, I find animals to be an excellent judge of character. I would be very much inclined to keep the dog and ditch him.

Troubling as it is to see this level of hostility and aggression, what also concerns me that after he frightened and upsetting your child and the dog, he didn’t acknowledge his behaviour and even tried to deflect onto you. Very troubling behaviour.

I’d be inclined to not only watch him like a hawk but also get things in place if you need to get out of dodge.

Has he demonstrated similar patterns of behaviour? Does he lose his temper and get aggressive often? Does he often deflect issues into you? Is your child frightened of him?

Good decision, @Imakitchensink. Should you need us the MN brigade of the Forcibly Rehoming Undesirable Men Permanently awaits your call.

He’s usually quite placid but he keeps maintaining he lost his temper and he can’t believe I’m taking the dogs side over his.
Rather than be actually aggressive he’s usually passive aggressive or a bit gaslighty. He never thinks he’s wrong either meaning you can’t argue with him. Already today I’ve been told I don’t deserve a new car and that the music I like is shit.
Going to get my shit in order and save some money and try to get out. DD starts secondary school next week and she’s already an anxious mess over starting so need to make sure she’s settled in first.

Passive aggressive is aggressive. Abusers start with the pets and escalate.
I don't want to worry you, but do you have somewhere safe you can take the dog while you get sorted out?