I can’t find the right one. When to give up?

[lucytreesae]

Bank holiday again and I’m on my own!

For context I have lots of friends and go on lots of dates, I have had relationships in the past but I just can’t seem to find the right one.

I’ve given people chances that I didn’t fancy straight away, I’ve waited to see if the feelings grow, I’ve dated in areas outside where I live, I’ve travelled to meet people, I’ve joined clubs and activities, I’ve tried being more selective, less selective.

The last time I was genuinely excited to meet someone was well over a year ago. When should you give up? It is starting to make me feel really down.

If you give up and relax it's quite possible that you will meet someone quite unexpectedly who is right for you. I've known that to happen with others.

All the very best

It's frustrating but as @Rachelover40 has mentioned, relax a little? A watched pot and all that....

Focus on your life - what's great about it right now? What could you add to it? (I'm not suggesting a man here 😄)

Holidays have a way of making one feel lonely sometimes but keep busy; go somewhere you've never been before, walk a dog, volunteer - cheer someone else up, make lunch for family/friends, do some gardening whatever?!

Just be happy with yourself and your life first to the point that when you do finally meet a bloke, you click with, they add to your life rather than being a purpose for your life so to speak 😊

Thank you.

I’m pretty happy with life and it is full and busy most of the time. I’d just love to fall in love and don’t think it’s going to happen.

I feel the same way OP. How old are you, out of interest? Bank holidays definitely make it worse. I am a single parent and work full time (and never meet anyone at work) so feel like my opportunities to meet anyone spontaneously are extremely limited, but I very very rarely fancy someone before I've got to know them so I find dating through things like Tinder a real chore.

No advice really, but you're not alone!

I will say, however, that I know several women who have felt like this and then all of a sudden just met someone amazing and that has been that.

It probably will happen just not when you want it too, frustrating I know.

Five years ago I was in the same boat. At 40 I thought no chance, and a lot of the men I was meeting were so disappointing, average, no morals etc

It was only when I decided to reignite my faith as a born-again Christian four years ago that life changed for me - I'm married now with a one year old daughter!! I never in a million years envisaged that for myself, but God, it seemed, had other plans. My whole lifestyle changed and so did my outlook.

I'm not saying you have to become a Christian, merely showing an example that if one does decide to go down a different path other doors can open. Believe me I didn't even want kids!! 😄

Wish you all the best 😁

It probably will happen just not when you want it too, frustrating I know.

Five years ago I was in the same boat. At 40 I thought no chance, and a lot of the men I was meeting were so disappointing, average, no morals etc

It was only when I decided to reignite my faith as a born-again Christian four years ago that life changed for me - I'm married now with a one year old daughter!! I never in a million years envisaged that for myself, but God, it seemed, had other plans. My whole lifestyle changed and so did my outlook.

I'm not saying you have to become a Christian, merely showing an example that if one does decide to go down a different path other doors can open. Believe me I didn't even want kids!! 😄

Wish you all the best 😁

That was not meant to post twice stupid internet 😆 sorry!!

You're definitely not alone. You're doing all the right things by getting out there, going on dates and giving people a chance. Maybe just stop trying for a while because I think that, in itself, can make you feel deflated. Focus on something else for a few months and then get back on the horse again. Its highly likely it will happen for you but we can't predict when.
Not sure how old you are but it does get harder as you get older as there are less available men. And many of those who are available are single for a reason. There are good ones, just in short supply. Be patient.

@lucytreesae I feel the same at times though I'm 2 years out of an abusive relationship and I often wonder when or if it will be my time. I have kids so people assume that I'm ok but I also feel extremely lonely at times. I'm casually seeing someone yet he isn't the one and essentially drip feeds affection so I always feel I'm chasing. It's not great really.

Anyway, if you don't have children and have the free time, I would concentrate on getting out and enjoying your life. Go out with friends who you could potentially pull with, go to bars, meetup groups, the net, try and look decent when out and about! It may or may not happen but I think by doing all this, you're giving yourself a fairly decent shot.

How old are you?

Why/how would you give up? If you're really stressing yourself out by pushing yourself to date, for example, then maybe cut back or try a different, less stressful "wait and see" approach. Is that what you mean? Or do you mean not taking notice of potential partners at all any more and declaring yourself permenently single for the next 20? 50? 80? years until you die?

If you really feel you have a problem, and you are not just 25 or something, then how about some counselling?

I had a couple of fledgling relationships go wrong and I was so bloody fed up so decided to give myself an entire year off men. 3 weeks later I met now-dh. I agree with others - relax and give yourself a break.

I don’t know about relax and it will happen but it might be a good idea to take a break for a few months just to get a clearer head then go back to online dating when you are ready.

I'm giving up looking... I'm 42 my kids are getting older now so wouldn't move anyone in anyway as they have had only me now for years and years.

Cancelled my dating apps yesterday. If I had a pound for everyone who says 'it will happen when you least expect it' i would at least be rich 😂

I've been single almost 10 years. I actually give up! I have so much other stuff in life I don't know what anyone could add anyway.

You are not the only one feeling like this. I can't find anyone I like as much as the last person I dated and he broke it off with me.

I have a busy life but there's no one to text after a busy day at work or see at the weekends. I have friends I see but most of them are busy with their partners at weekends.

It might be worth taking a break from the online dating. I'm thinking of doing the same.

P. S don't give up!

Don't give up! I'm sure you are still young and have a lot of time. I didn't meet my other half until I was 29 ❤️

I think the most important thing for you to do OP is to try and create a life that you enjoy or has meaning or challenge for you!

Even if you meet Mr Right, there is still you and your life to live as well. Of course you would have a guaranteed date on NYE, as Woody Allen once said trying to think of merits of coupledom, but I don't think it is the "cure all" for a dull Monday Bank Holiday.

I don't think you should "give up". But agree with others that all this focus may be creating a certain tension that is probably not helping matters.

Lots of women coming on here saying they met Mr Right, so you probably will too in time. But their relationships might not be the kind of relationship that would suit you. Equally lots of women don't find a lifelong partner - there are simply no guarantees and to my mind it is foolish to rely on an outcome that may or may not happen!