At what age should you settle if you want kids and don’t want them alone?

[goatsgrass]

I have spent most of my life focused on my job, with a few relationships here and there. I’ve always wanted children. I don’t want them alone, I just won’t have them if I don’t meet someone (i know lots of people do this and it works for them, it just wouldn’t for me).

What age would you settle if you really want kids?

God that's a hard one

I don't really know the answer
What does settling mean to u?

Does it mean finding someone kind and caring without all the sparks?

Does it mean hopping on anything that comes your way?

Does it mean putting up with qualities you don't like?

I think your best trying to be open to kind and reliable men if you want to settle

What? You can meet anyone at anytime it’s the having babies bit that is constrained.

Well in an ideal world I would be with someone I really loved and was really attracted to. But I am also happy with something that is happy and content. I’m willing to work on something.

I’m wondering if I stop the dates now and really make a go of it with one of the people I have met so far. Even though I would like to keep looking, realistically I do want a family with someone and I could do that instead with one of the many people I have met but thought weren’t absolutely right.

I am 31 and starting to ponder this. I've not really had a real serious relationship only an on and off situation for around 6 years. I really need to cut this off now but dont seem to meet anyone I click with at all. In my head 38 seems a goal to meet someone at the latest but no idea where I've come up with that from really. I also have PCOS so really need to get a move on incase I need lots of help but just not meeting anyone and cant even find someone for a first date let alone to settle with 🤷‍♀️

It's so unfair to do that though. Once you have a child you realise that you can do it alone and then it's likely you'll leave the person you settled for tricked

My initial thought was 30. If u want more than one DC. But bigger debate is should u settle at all? How do u define settling? If u wait for mr perfect u will wait forever. Do u wait for mr 90% 80% 70%? Who knows. Just follow your gut instinct is my moto.

I don't know the answer but I know one thing from experience, you can't trust settling. I was in the same boat - wanted children from a young girl and never wanted anything else, had a good job etc but never felt I'd found the one, I would end it and start again. At 32 I decided to settle. Nice enough guy, bit dim, not stupid but hardly intellectual. He had a decent job in a garage and was hard working and salt of the earth Yorkshire lad that doted on me and took a long time to win me over. After 4 years we had a planned pregnancy, when I was 3 months he was eating weetabix instead of hurrying (we were late) so I went on my own and he caught the bus and got there just in time. I then found out he hadn't been turning up for work. He'd been photographing wildlife. At 6 months we had a talk and he said he "wasn't feeling it". I moved in with my mother. He saw DD once when she was a few days old and again at 12 days. He still lives in the next town3.5 miles away but has never seen his DD since. She's 7 at Christmas. He wasn't on the birth certificate- I'm not completely crazy - and I'm now married with a second DD. DD has husbands surname and he is adopting her.
Moral of the story - don't settle. Either do it alone, look for Mr Right or take a chance on a fairly new relationship but don't for the love of God settle! It's not a guarantee. I never considered he could leave me or change his mind, it was me that was settling. I was wrong!