Time together as family - how much family time you spend together ?

[Melanie1811]

Me and my partner have 3 year old son. We don’t spend much time together as a family - barely any. Once a month we go out to park or something. I’m struggling and craving a family time. We both work a lot so when we are off we want both some alone time and chill. I tried to make plans this weekend to go out, but my partner refused saying spending 10-15 minutes together is enough!!!! . I’m upset our son never spends any quality family time with mummy and daddy. Is this normal?

No, it's not normal. We'd go to local events, dog-walks, beach/park etc at the weekends.

To be honest we work different shifts! He works Monday to Friday and I work Saturday and evenings .... so the only day we can do stuff as family is Sunday and we are both so tired we just want to have time for ourselves. This weekend is different tho because I’m off so we could take one day to spend some time as a family, but he just doesn’t care and thinks we have enough of that

He is going carnival tomorrow and I’m
Upset, because few friends at work (guys) are taking the wife’s and kids because it’s a kids day at carnival. He didn’t even think of that

My partner often works weekends but we try and spend family time as much as possible, even if it’s lazing around watching a movie together (we’ve been working our way through all the Shrek films). We go to the park, for walks, occasionally to a museum, soft play or just play with our daughter in the house. Today we did some baking all three of us and it was lovely.

If one of us needs time alone we usually get it after DD has gone to bed but mostly we like hanging out with each other.

Usually at the weekend a family day out or several small family outings. We have 2dc so sometimes we split them up to have 1 to 1. Very occasionally we take it turns to have both so the other can work / do chores / see friends at the weekend. But generally we have 1 day family time per weekend.

We have always spent most of our free time as a family, although we do things individually too.
There are usually at least 2 people in the house together/ not separate rooms all day, everyday.
I know it's not necessarily the norm.

We spend loads of time together as a family. When the kids were little, we'd work opposite shifts but would always try and spend some time each week doing something together. We had our time to relax and had time for ourselves after they'd gone to bed. Now they're teenagers, we go to the cinema, DH and them play x-box together and we watch tv/films together. They spend hardly any time in their rooms actually.

If you don't get quality time together as a family, what is the point in being a family together?
I've learnt the hard way about allowing work/life get in the way of family time always thinking that things will get easier. Then suddenly my marriage started falling apart. Couples counselling has helped but I still wonder if too much water has gone under the bridge to get back what we once had. It is a very steep, slippery slope that is easy to get on but difficult to get off again when you realise that irreparable damage is occurring and precious whole family time with children who grow up so fast is being missed. Ask him why he doesn't want to spend more time with you and his children as a family.

Well our situation is s but different in that my dh works away for 3-4weeks at a time. But when he is home we spend every evening and weekends doing family things. I’m a teacher so I get home with the dc for about half3/4 and then we do something like a walk on the beach, playing in the garden, going to the park etc etc or just chilling out together.

I wouldn’t say that your dh is being fair to you or your dc at all!!!

Throughout the week I don’t see my DP that much due to work commitments but Fri-Sun we may a real effort to do things together and with our dd whether it’s dinner out, picnics at the park, a walk along the canal for bagels, soft play, the local farm, zoo, museum, gallery etc. We take out our dd every day over the weekend. She loves being out.

How does your Sunday work then? Do you do all the childcare - on do you do 50/50 separately? Does your OH like spending time with your DC? Does he like spending time with you?
I think it is v important to spend time together the 3 of you. I doesn’t have to be elaborate days out. But sitting together to eat, picnic in the garden, snuggled up in the sofa watching a film or reading to your DC is important.

Dp works shifts but I'm Mon to Fri so we only have every second weekend together. Mornings are usually spent with DIY (just bought an old house we are renovating) and afternoons are usually trips out with the kids. We rarely have our own time.
There's no such thing as normal but if you're not happy, you probably need a chat.