Find someone who'll take care of you...

[OhHimAgain]

not materially but your soul and everything that makes you you"

Ok, so I've paraphrased that a little because I cant find the exact post but ou get the gist. I get lots of posts like this on my fb feed.

All very inspirational relationship stuff designed to encourage women (mainly) to hold out for the right man and not to put up with second best the sort of man often described on here

I'm single and have been for the past 8 years after my, frankly, shit loveless and sexless marriage ended. In that time I've been on dates and had a couple of short term flings but I've ended them when I've realised they just weren't who I wanted in the long term.

My question was really going to be does anyone really feel that they have found this person? Not necessarily the specific person described in that post but someone who makes them a priority? Someone who truly loves them?

Because im fast heading towards 50 and I've never dated anyone like that! I know I've never been loved in a relationship.

The only time I got close to being with someone who truly prioritised me etc they turned out to be incredibly cloying, controlling and possessive. So I ended it.

The only men who've been supportive of eg me having my own life and being independent; having male friends; having hobbies are those men who haven't been 'all that into me' and so haven't really been arsed what I've done. I've ended those too once I realised.

I'm not in any hurry to meet anyone but having just seen that post again, I thought I'd ask.

The right partner won't complete you. You are already whole. Instead, the right partner will extend you. They will catalyse your growth and the expansion of your consciousness. It's like finding love in someone that encourages you to find the love in yourself: which you keep giving back.
Vex King.

DH takes care of me and prioritises me all the time. He’s the most considerate, unselfish person I know. He’s my rock and that gives me the freedom to do what I want and be who I want and give what I want, because he’s always got my back.

Thanks. I do get that. I'm perfectly happy on my own, I know I complete myself. I've got my children, my work, my hobbies, friends... I wouldn't actually have time fir a relationship but I can honestly say that I've never been happier in a relationship than when I'm single; I dont think women need a man to validate them; I cant actually see what value a relationship brings to the lives of many of the women I know. If I'm honest. Just sometimes looks a bit smoke and mirrors!

It's like finding love in someone that encourages you to find the love in yourself: which you keep giving back.

I like that 😊

flowery that's lovely ❤

I am incredibly, incredibly lucky.

I think you are. I know a few relationships that look like that on the surface but, as I've got to know the couple better, have realised all is not as it seems.

Eg I have a friend whose husband is incredibly encouraging and supportive of her. He's tolerant of her self doubts and anxieties and is really positive. Except that it's he who puts the doubts there - knocks her down just to build her up kind of thing. E.g. "I'll help you do that, you know how difficult to find it" type comment.

Actually, I know a few like that including a man who will meet his wife in the car park to park her car for her because she cant do it herself. They've been married for 20+ yrs and have teenage children. This summer, she took them.away for the weekend on her own for the very first time.

I've suggested she come away with me and my children in the past and she's always just said she wouldn't be able to cope without her husband.

I see a lot of that.

So a lot of it looking like men are being supportive and encouraging but they are only temporarily dismantling the barriers they have installed themselves.

At 49 l found that person. I have never been happier. My previous relationship s were both good and bad. But this one is just right if you know what l mean. It's lovely to have all your needs looked after and we very happy. Don't give up

I've been incredibly lucky to be with a man who does just that for me, for the past 20 years. We've had our rough patches but I've never doubted that he loves me to my core, and the feeling is mutual. I think it's rare though.

Met DP when I was 39. He's a twat. But he definitely wants what is best for me.

Sometimes you find the best goods in the tattiest packaging - I wouldn't have considered dating him when we first met, but he seemed nice and was a friend for at least two years before we got involved.

Can't imagine him not being here to annoy me now. If nothing else, I'd have to wake myself up in time for work, rather than have him bring me a cuppa and do it gently.

I cant actually see what value a relationship brings to the lives of many of the women I know. If I'm honest

I feel the same. I genuinely cannot see how a man in terms of a relationship would enhance my life. Not because I’ve had awful relationships, but because there’s nothing I need they can give me.

Someone once asked me why I don't date and I thought about it a minute and all I could come up with is - Because I have my own money.

I met mine at 40 after years of toxic men. He’s younger than me and we were friends before. He’s truly the most considerate and lovely man, he prioritises our relationship and genuinely wants me to be happy. He makes me feel so comfortable in a way no one has, I can walk naked in front of him(never been able to do that ) he makes me feel wonderful. I had expected never to find love like it, and was very happy and independent , which he also encourages. I still pinch myself.

I found him in my late 50s after years of an unrewarding marriage .

Tomorrow is our eighth wedding anniversary. Ex H, to whom I was married to for more than twenty years was an abusive shit, by any definition. Both DCs have really significant mental health problems as a result. VERY dear H has been an absolute rock. Kind and lovely, given me support for myself and dealing with the fallout, and providing emotional and financial support to both of them, but being quite tough at the same time. very lucky.

Oh, and I meant to say that he's not got any problem with me going off without him and doing stuff

I found him this April after ten years alone.

I had ENTIRELY given up on men.

We are getting married in October.

I would never have believed he existed.