Feeling really upset about everything

[Namechangerhere]

Name changed for this one.

Feeling really upset and confused as to what is going on in our relationship at the moment.

I am a SAHM and dp works full-time, we have 2 young children.

Dp used to be good round the house and with the kids but just lately his whole attitude has changed. He thinks because he works full-time he can just come home, make a mess, go to sleep and treat this place like a hotel.

He has also started drinking every weekend which is a bad thing because he has an addictive personality and not only this but he becomes not a very nice person to be around when he has had a drink.

We have been rowing alot lately, he seems to not have much interest in the kids, he does not take them out and do fun daddy things with them and i am begining to resent this.

I know he works full-time and i am home bringing up the children, i do everything within the home, washing, tidying, cleaning, ironing,baths, kids bed time, shopping, cleaning car, sorting all bills, i mean i even do the jobs which he should be doing like when we ordered our ds a new cabin bed i had to build it and put it together.

I am just starting to feel very unhappy, we row alot and are not getting on at all, i feel me and the kids would be happier without his miserable face round the place, he just makes a mess.

Do you think i am right in feeling this way or should i just shut up and get on with it?

Help.

It's not so much what he doesn't do is it, but his attitude and drinking.

It seems a fair division of labour that you look after the house if he works full time. Although I personally would draw the line under building the bed simply'cos I couldn't manage it!

Could you draw up a list of jobs and give him 25% of them- such as paying some bills, putting the kids to bed on a number of nights a week- whatever. It's hard to advise you without knowing what kind of job he has, how tiring it is and the hours he works.

What do you mean by "he makes a mess"? No responsible, caring adult should expect another person to pick up their dirty cothes or be a servant to them- but that is very different from you doing the washing and chores that are part of your role as a SAHM.

Sounds like you have got a lot to discuss- it's not just the house work is it, but the kids and his lack of interest in them. Is he unhappy?

Why does he drink so much- is he bored, unhappy - or what? Does he drink alone, with friends or with you around? Have you asked him not to?

It actually sounds as if he is not coping with life and his drinking and lack of interst are a sign of this.

I'd suggest that you talk - set aside an evening when you can discuss it calmly, not in a fit of anger - and if you can afford it, get some short term couple counselling such as from British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists (BACP) before thinsg get worse.

We all need to feel appreciated and needed but theres a fine line between this and being taken for granted and abuse of your nature. As geordiegirl2 has said without knowing about his job etc it's difficult to say but drawing up a list of jobs is a good idea.

Men like to feel you need them and want you to ask them to do certain jobs or they feel un-needed and surplus to requirments. I'll turn my hand to anything - decorating, plastering - fixing appliances - putting furniture together etc and I don't mind doing it but I know it's always better to ask dh to do it so he feels he's earned browny points

My dh will leave his stuff around and I pick up after him most of the time but it's not something that generally bothers me that much unless I've just had a big tidy up and he leaves his pots around etc i'll speak up and say he knows where the bl@@dy dishwasher is. But he will gracefully help me clean the house from top to bottom if I asked him too. So if this is already bothering you you need to discuss it asap so you dont get into rut and the situation becomes worse.

Has regards to the drinking he's obviously doing this for a reason if its not something he would normally do, theres something bothering him and hes using the bottle to drown his problems and this needs to be discussed asap between yourselfs if you can communicate well together or possibly with a 3rd person if necessary.