I don't think I was ready

[FakeTurtle]

I've posted about my relationship before and every week things just seem to be getting worse.
Last night my partner told me he was unhappy. He said its because I don't care about him, things have been focused on me, making me happy etc. Which I can see things have been a little me focused since I've been pregnant (26 weeks) so I apologised and said that I will change that.
I feel like I'm causing his unhappiness out of my unhappiness which I'm going to get entirely judged for saying and I understand. We constantly bicker about cleaning, lack of affection from me, laziness, talking about things for the flat or money and sex. We have no resolution from these constant arguments, we just sort of pretend they don't happen until we bicker about the next thing in a few hours time.
Honestly I don't take part in the relationship as much as I used to because I feel constant pressure (we haven't been together that long - less than a year). I don't like talking about furniture for the flat because I just want to escape. I don't like talking about pooling our money together because I like my independence.
I feel like a shitty and terrible person because I know I'm making him feel like shit but I don't want to upset him by saying how I truly feel. I love him and he's done so much for me but I don't think I was ready for this whole thing for a combination of reasons (when I met my current partner I had very very recently came out of a domestically abusive relationship I was in for 3 years), I think it's all too much too fast. The pressure and the stress of it all its making me disconnect. He's a few years older than me and more prepared for this and I just don't think I was ready.
I feel guilty saying that, I love my baby (the only happy thing in my life at the moment) but I wish I had waited. We've moved into this flat together and its just so much, the pressure of money, getting furniture, getting things ready for the baby.
Sometimes I just feel like I'm making a mistake, partly because of how rushed everything is, partly because of the template I have of my parents relationship (got together young, within 6 weeks pregnant + engaged, unhappy for 20 years and then eventually divorced). I don't want my son to grow up with that and I'm feel like I'm repeating that.
I've tried to talk to him about this pressure I'm feeling and he just doesn't get it, his viewpoint is we are having a baby get over it. Which is fine but it doesn't help.
I don't even know what I'm saying. Basically I'm unhappy too and me not being able to say I'm unhappy is leading to me resenting him, and making him unhappy too. I don't know if it can be fixed, I don't know if our baby is the only thing connecting us anymore, I don't know if things would be different if I wasn't pregnant. (I feel like they would be, we used to be best friends, we could chat total shit for ages).
I don't know if we need time apart (we've spent so much time together in such a short amount of time), I don't know if we should just call it quits (I don't know how that would work since we just moved in together). Or maybe I just need to grow up and that's the only conclusion from this.
I apologise for this big long ramble, I just feel so lost. Thank you for reading if you did.

To be honest it sounds like the relationship would have run its course and ended if you werent pregnant.

I grew in a crap household because my parents stayed together for the kids. The kids would have been a lot happier if they just split up.

Alot will be focused on you because your are pregnant. But it doesnt sound like are fussed about being with him or sharing your life with him.

@Ilikethisone I don't want to say it but I feel like I agree with you. I'm just stuck at where things go from here

Can you move back to your previous home?

Could you live together as co parents only? At least for the newborn stage?

I can only suggest you speak to to him and make a plan going forward, together, based on what's best for the child.

Sorry you are having a difficult time

@Ilikethisone I used to live with my dad so I could go back there but definitely not for more than a couple of weeks
Living together works the best financially as individually we couldnt afford this flat and we have 3 months left on the min tenancy.
I'll try and speak to him. Thank you ❤️

Wow. This sounds very similar to the situation I was in. Thought I'd found the one, fell pregnant quickly, all was great, then the cracks

Oops!

Then the cracks started to appear, any problems were swept under the carpet by him so being unheard made me feel frustrated and downtrodden, other stuff happened, baby was born, things got worse (he started to be emotionally abusive, completely disrespected my feelings, had an EA), I left.

I loved this man so much and regretted walking, despite everything he put me through. My daughter misses out on her dad being around, I'm scraping the pennies whilst he has a nice life with the OW. But he treated me poorly and has made his bed, consequently suffering by not being in his daughter's life full time.

My point is that had I'd stayed, we might've been able to iron out the creases and I might've been happier than I am now, but there's an equally good chance I'd still be being mistreated.

Just bare in mind that the first few months of a newborn is the hardest. Constant exhaustion. Then there's the hormones- I had PND, it was awful. Maybe try and stick it out until bubba is 6 months. Plan your escape well and embrace having an extra pair of hands around for the hardest part of being a new mum.

@RLEOM I'm sorry you went through that, are things looking better for you now?
My partner has been lovely to me (apart from the constant bickering) which is why I feel like such of a terrible person for feeling how I do feel now.
I am planning to talk to him in the next couple of days, whatever happens I do think we need to spend some time apart just because of how things are going at the moment. Hopefully we can stick it out for the early newborn stage, as I think he would want to be there anyway.

we used to be best friends, we could chat total shit for ages

How long did you know one another as best friends before starting to date?

@GammaStingRay it was a few months so not too long

You feel you’re making a mistake because you are. Fundamentally, you don’t want to be in his relationship, you feel trapped, and it would have ended long ago if it weren’t for your pregnancy.

Honestly, I’d end things, make my own housing arrangements, and try to figure out an amiable co-parenting set-up.

@GloriousMystery I agree and I feel horrible for saying that. I've known it for a while deep down and now it's all just bubbling to the surface. I really just don't want to hurt him because I don't think he feels the same way as me but I'm probably hurting him more in the long run being so held back.

If you feel like this, I'd make the leap now before the baby is born.

Yes, it'll be tough on your own, but if you wait, there will be tons of guilt piled on to try to stop you leaving and you won't have the energy to fight it. It sounds like your partner would prefer to stick it out and shut you up rather than face it's not working, and he'll make it so much harder when the baby arrives. Go while it's just you.

@FakeTurtle just because he's nice doesn't mean you're obliged to make it work. Yes, there's something to be said for being grateful for what we have but ultimately if it's not right now, it might not ever. Only you can decide.