Need to make a big decision.

[PurpleSproutingSomething]

I have been with my DP just over a year. It was all very positive and intense in the beginning, he told me that he loved me on our second date (I know)
We met on OLD so had been talking for a while before meeting.
Anyway, it was all moving very fast, very quickly. There was talk of us moving in together, I have one DS 10 and he has 3 DDs. We spoke about logistics and how it would work, he was buying a house anyway, due to having money from the ex marital home and had been renting for a while.
We chose a house, completely fell in love with it, but unfortunately it didn't work out. Another house comes along, he goes ahead and buys it.
In the mean time of this he tells me that I now wouldn't be moving in at the time he does. (I'm renting too, my ex lives in our marital home which is being sold)
This was a big shock for me as it came totally out of the blue.

So I digress, we put things on hold about 4 weeks ago, I was feeling unsure about the whole thing, but we have still been keeping in contact daily.

He now wants me to decide what I really want. I know if I stay this will be it, marriage, possibly have a child together (I am totally 50/50) He can sometimes be a bit cutting with his remarks, is quite arrogant, but is very honest, reliable, fit AF, funny, kind, trustworthy, decent, a great dad, tidy

I just don't know why or how I cannot make a decision.

Any wise MN folk willing to offer me any sage wisdom please?

You can't make a decision?

Look at your children. Do they deserve to live with a man who is cutting and arrogant just because their mum thinks he's "fit AF"?

He's already changed his mind once.

Protect yourself and your children.

Not a chance

Because you know that it’s the wrong thing to do. Walk away now

Oh missed that you've put things on hold. So you're not currently together then?

Absolutely no fucking chance I'd be uprooting my children to move in with him.

None.

If you’re in doubt then no. You need to be absolutely sure you want to do this to go ahead.

The love bombing in itself is a red flag (its happened to me twice now). Its also common for men like this to love-bomb and then withdraw which it sounds like he's following the typical script. He's probably a narcissist. Seriously don't uproot your child for this man.

No, I would not move in with him.

So you were moving in then you weren't.

Now is he asking you to move in or just asking you what you want - and if it was to move in would he say 'no' still ????

I agree with crappy, huge narcissistic red flags here. This thread explains them better than I can www.quora.com/How-can-you-identify-a-narcissist/answer/Axl-Salvator?ch=99&share=c0b0a0a1&srid=p2Jj8

How is he reliable ? You thought you were moving in, and he decided you weren't.
You should put your DS first

So let’s see. You thought you were choosing a house together and moving in together. At the last moment he tells you you won’t be moving in alongside him, you’ll be moving in at a later date. I assume this then leads to an argument and then leads to your relationship being put on hold? Now he is trying to make out the decision is yours as to whether you move in or not?

He has made all the decisions, he’s just trying to make you think some of those decisions are yours. He put you in your place when he told you (in actions, if not in words) that this is his house and you will merely be a guest until such a time he decides the relationship is no longer working and you have to move out.

Have you discussed finances? Will you be contributing? I’m sure he will be using you for domestic purposes and childcare. Really think this through OP. I don’t know how old his children are but are you happy to take on all domestic chores, childcare and (I suspect) have no tie to the house financially?

If you are asking the question to a bunch of random people on the internet then surely, deep down, you know the answer is "No".

No, no and no. God, telling you he loved you on the second date should've made you run for the hills!

The fact that you are asking for advice and are 50/50 indicates to me actually you are not that bothered. I would suggest staying as you are at the moment and not moving in. He doesn’t sound a great man anyway

Thanks for all your advice, I feel like I'm a big ball of anxiety. My advice to anyone would be that if they weren't 100% then why bother? But I don't seem to be able to offer that to myself.

I never asked anyone for advice when moving from one of the country to the other for my ex, or getting married, or having our baby, we did it because we knew. Unfortunately we just couldn't make it work as a marriage.

Thank you all.