Should I be concerned?

[dippypanda]

Hi, just after a little bit advice if anyone is still up. My husband and I have been married about a year and a half. We have two children, the youngest is nearly two. We bicker and have had arguments like most people do especially with a young baby etc. Baby has been poorly for a few days, but getting better, however I'm shattered, we both work full time however I only went into work today as I have been off for a few days looking after baby. We both went to bed, husband wanted sex but I explained I was shattered and not tonight etc. He then said he was going watch some porn and pleasure himself which initially I thought he was messing around, but then proceeded to put it on the TV in our bedroom, when I realised he wasn't joking I said that I would be mad and upset if he continued and turned over to go to sleep. A few mins later, toddler starts crying to which my husband tells me he's crying and to go see him as he's naked, I turn over and the porn is still on the TV. I tell him to get up and see to him since he's still fully awake, he then tells me he can't as he's naked and proceeds to push me quite deliberately/forcefully out of bed. I'm stunned, so I get up go to my son who had fallen asleep anyway as he's just restless. I've not gone back to bed but can't help thinking that this behaviour is not acceptable, but am I overthinking it whilst I'm downstairs stewing away about it whilst he's still in bed, probably asleep by now?? Sorry for the long post at this time of night but my mind is all over the place.

Reckon, he was having a wank under the covers and was nearly there 😱

This sounds concerning.
I expect tomorrow everything will be back to 'normal', if you dont act on it.

What do you want to do?

His libido obviously top priority.

The thing is I know tomorrow it'll all be forgotten about but I'm still not happy about him pushing me like he did so I feel I should tell him it's unacceptable.
I know he'll deny it at first but then eventually apologise. I worry sometimes that things are blown out of proportion due to tiredness, and I know I can be stubborn as well.

I would consider it abusive.

Hm.
Telling him where your boundaries are.
He knows already.

Its fucked isnt it...
When someone is like this.
There was (imo) loads of violations there.

Selfish bastard.

Im no expert.
Sure someone else will be along with better suggestions but... this is abuse.

Sending love to you tonight

Yep he our himself getting it above everything else

Thanks @onacleardayyoucansee I appreciate it.

I just don't want to think worst case scenario, I would consider myself a fairly intelligent person and aware of how things can escalate etc. I have two children to consider and don't want to feel like i the one being irrational I guess.

dippypanda,
I had to read your post 4 times as I couldn’t believe that because you didn’t want sex ( you don’t need a reason ) that he was watching porn on the Tv in your room next to you.

Vile man

I’d not be concerned about the masturbation. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to decline and it’s perfectly acceptable for him to then choose to deal with it himself.

But he could have been a bit more discreet about it, and been respectful of your being in the room.

He acted like a spoilt brat about it and his actions were not acceptable.

In our relationship, porn isn’t a problem. I can take it or leave it. But if it’s a problem for you and he knows that, then there is an issue. If you’ve turned him down I don’t think it’s fair that you choose to get mad at him for attending to himself.

That’s where the issue is. You need to have a conversation about your expectations and feelings and have clear boundaries.

He's a prick. His orgasm is more important to him than his wife's feelings, your sleep, his child, and don't even get me started on men who think porn is acceptable. I a not against a married partner relieving themself but for them to A) announce it B) put porn on in front of you C) ignore your plea to turn it off C) ignore his child D) physically shove you out of bed. What the fuck. It is surely impossibly for those big red flags to not be one offs. Hope you are ok.

MMadness it is fair for her to get mad at him for huffing, announcing he was going to pleasure himself and put porn on. Being cool with someone 'sorting themselves out' does not mean accepting this shitty behaviour. He was trying to make her jealous, and treating her like a commodity. He could have given her a kiss goodnight and told her he would listen out for the baby and then gone downstairs or the bathroom for a discreet wank with no porn. Or you know, go without because he is grown man and his dick isn't going to fall off if he doesn't ejaculate immediately.

You declining sex is fine,
Him then having a wank, also fine.
Him putting porn on the tv in your bedroom beside you in bed, not fine at all, really disrespectful and done deliberately to make you feel bad.
Him asking you to deal with baby while you were asleep and he's busy having a wank, also not fine, incredibly selfish and also disrespectful.
Him pushing you out of bed half asleep so he could finish his wank, fucking disgusting, so disrespectful, abusive and bordering on dealbreaker.

Don't let this go. He needs to feel serious consequences or his behaviour will escalate next time.

Wouldn’t have been bothered about the porn personally but pushing you out of bed is rude, obviously wanted to finish hud

HUD?! His wank*

dippypanda,
Let’s be honest here otherwise your Post / Thread will be going on for at least a day or two .
Your husband wanted sex ,he basically wanted to c-m and that was that .When you said you were tired he didn’t care about your feelings and told you he was going to watch Porn and pleasure himself ( w—k) in other words .Then when your child cried, the noise must of distracted him from ( w-n-ing and then he pushed you out of the bed to go and see to your child who was crying.
Yes this is a Abusive Partner and a nasty bit of work in my opinion.

Disrespectful, ill-mannered, and blameworthy behaviour on numerous counts.

But what I don’t get is the husband( wanker) watching porn on Tv in their bedroom ???
I mean who does that ?, I’d say a person who has done it before ??
I’ll be honest with you, we only have a TV in our lounge and it takes my OH at least 20 mins to bloody sign into iTunes and Netflix’s to get a film then he has to verify his credit/debit card and password .
So I’d say if OP’s hubby can get porn at the touch of a button then he has either a account or watched it regular .

It takes 20 seconds for me to sign into Pornhub or YouPorn (unpaid) so it aint that. (And that's with a shit connection. It's 5 seconds at home on fibre.)

FuriousVexation,
Thanks for that information I’ll check it out .😬😬😬

The pushing/shoving wouldn't worry me, just elbow the twat if he does that again.

But putting porn on the TV and knocking one out like that is weird. If he needs to do that, at least do it in private!!

Thanks all, I appreciate the different opinions. The porn thing generally doesn't bother me, people watch porn, i have in the past. I know he does as well,usually in private. This is the first time he's behaved like this, very much behaving like a spoilt adult not getting what he wants.

The pushing bothers me more, it wasn't one push, it was several forceful pushes to get me out of bed. This is what I find most worrying. He's never done that before.

Yes that is worrying. What's his general attitude to you?

avamiah

Let me finish your words for you, as you seem to have a problem with your dash key.

cum (a silly adaptation of come but standard nowadays)
wank
wanking

Apart from that, I agree with everything you said.