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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can anyone see a solution

3 replies

newmumfeeling · 23/08/2019 19:53

My parents are getting older and have a number of health problems, especially my Mum.

My Mum fell and broke her hip 3 weeks ago. Due to her other health problem the operation was very risky and we were warned that she might not survive it. There was also a night post op where it looked very likely she would die.

I can’t visit much as I have a 3 yr old and a baby who is now 5 weeks. I have been a handful of time, mostly with DH sitting in the cafe with baby so I could leave and feed when needed. Baby is now 5 weeks and has suspected cmpa and reflux so we are not using formula. I can’t express, it just doesn’t work and under 12s are not allowed on the ward. I could find people to look after the 3 year old but I can’t leave the baby and husband has now gone back to work so he can’t sit with the baby in the cafe. Baby cluster feeds from 5 to 9 every night. 3 year old is struggling with new baby.

My sister works term time and has done more visiting than me, except for the week she went on holiday. She also has children to look after, aged 8 and 13. My Dad is struggling with the visiting and the stress if the situation and has been unwell himself and unable to visit at times.

There are two visiting slots, afternoon and evening. I was planning on visiting on Saturday and Monday afternoon. This way I can hopefully feed the baby before I go. My sister is not happy with this (she wants to go out on Saturday night). She has been disapproving in tone and what she has said as well at messages given to me via my Mum. I’m exhausted, averaging 5 hours sleep a night, upset that I can’t be there for my parents, struggling with breast feeding and trying to figure out how to manage 2 children. Mum has a long road to recovery, months opposed to weeks before she will be home. Most of her recovery will be in a rehab/care home were I’m hoping I can visit with baby.

Someone please tell me how I can improve this situation.

OP posts:
SLR1982 · 23/08/2019 20:03

Every hospital has a PALS service. They are there to support you. They may be able to look into a solution for you taking your 5WO into hospital.
Google the hospital name and PALS and there should be some details. If not, go into the hospital. They will have an office there somewhere.

newmumfeeling · 23/08/2019 20:08

Thanks. I’m worried about exposing the baby to infection, my Mum has a chest infection as the moment. I remember 10 yrs ago asking the ward sister on behalf of my sister if she could bring her children into visit and she said it was too risky for the children as it was respiratory ward.

OP posts:
SLR1982 · 23/08/2019 20:15

Absolutely! And you definitely wouldn't want to risk your child's health, but they may be able to find another solution - possibly (if you're comfortable) someone from the PALS team may be able to sit with the little one.

The PALS services specialise in supporting patients and their families and I'm sure will have encountered similar situations.

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