Ex went crazy at me in front of our kids.

[Bringiton2019]

I'm literally sat in tears, my ex husband of nearly 2 years has just lost the plot, calling me names, swearing in front of our 8 year old twins.

He has had mental health issues in the past and took it very badly when I left him. He has never gotten over it, and the fact I have moved on just adds fuel to the fire.

I have never seen him so angry and my 2 were crying saying why was Dady not a nice person. I have explained he's poorly, and sometimes adults say things that they don't mean.

To make matters worse, we moved them to a private school last year which they absolutely love, but now he's saying he can't afford the payments!!! I am so angry at him right now, but just feel lost as to what to do?!

I'm worried about his mental health, and him being around our kids. Also can I move schools without his permission?

Anyone? Feel so lost!

Sorry you're going through this OP.
Mental health is so bloody hard to deal with.
On the one hand, you want to be supportive of someone in crisis but, on the other... it massively impacts on everyone around you/them.

When children are involved, it's an extra layer of guilt, doubt & pressure.

Just want you to know that I understand and I'm listening, and I'm hoping someone comes along with advice soon.

Thank you @munchkincity x

Speak to the school. On previous threads people have said that private schools try very hard to offer scholarships and help to existing pupils whose circumstances change. Mentioning father's MH issues could help.

I think it’s important to tell your children that his behaviour isn’t acceptable and having MH issues explains but doesn’t excuse, terrible behaviour. You really have to demonstrate what having good boundaries looks like to your kids. They can still care for him and choose to distance themselves from poor behaviour.

You are not responsible for his behaviour and there are no excuses for his aggression. I’d advise you to limit contact to contact with the children and get professional advice on how to protect your children from his volatility.

If you are dependent on him paying school fees than he will use it or at least threaten to not pay, as leverage. As great as the school is, the emotional fallout from being at his constant mercy will be anxiety inducing.

Protect you and your children’s mh by not pandering to his.

What is the relationship like usually? Was there a specific incident that triggered him? I think you handled it well with your DC.

If you are divorced do you have fees included in the consent order or is informal? You usually can't move schools without the other parents permission however if it is no longer affordable then obviously a school change is needed and ultimately if he went to court a judge would have all the facts.

Thank you ladies.

Not usually @Techway I'm really not sure what brought on such an outburst.

I will speak to my children today and reiterate his behaviour wasn't acceptable, and that he is poorly.

He is now saying he can afford school fees, but I just can't trust what comes out of his mouth.

Given that he’s used fees to ‘punish’ you before, he will do it again. If he’s serious about school fees then he has to pay a term in advance and you can justify it by saying that you’ll need that amount of time to arrange a good non fee paying alternative.

Remember, he’s an arsehole who happens to have MH issues.

@AgentJohnson that just about sums him up!

I work dam hard and have very little left over once fees are paid for, so I'll happily look into a good alternative!

I would prefer somewhere nearer my work, do catchment areas only work on home address?

to that last post.

Well didn't see the deleted post so not sure what it was about.

I'll speak to the school and see if there's anything they can do.