Ex has cancer, handhold

[Waytooearly]

Hey, just looking for a handhold really. I've been separated from ex for 1.5 years. He was a binge-drinker. We're not divorced yet.

We're still very friendly and close. Like family members. We're each dating but nothing serious yet.

He has just been diagnosed with cancer.

They think it might be to aggressive to treat.

As it happens I'm supposed to fly to my home country tomorrow for hols. He said he almost didn't tell me in light of this.

I'm not sure what I'm asking. I'm in shock.

Thanks. I got confused as I read earlier that it was very aggressive but it was maybe a typo. It seems that it's actually very mild at the moment and doesn't require treatment?

I would go on the holiday OP. It is a horrible thing to have but it sounds like it won't be affecting him too much at the moment or for some time to come

My Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2001. They took a 'watch and wait' approach, treating him only with anti-androgens. He died this April, at age 91, of something entirely different. My cousin's husband got his diagnosis around 8 years ago - similar treatment, he's still going strong at almost 70. Try not to panic. Go on your holiday, you need to care for yourself before you can be at your strongest to support someone else. All best wishes.

My uncle was diagnosed with prostrate cancer. It was a slow growing type and it was a case of ‘it won’t kill you, something else will in due course’. That’s how slowly it was growing, practically nothing per year. The treatment to remove it would have been more dangerous and arduous. That’s why that didn’t happen. And they were right because six years later he died of something totally unrelated. Providing it’s a slow growing form of the cancer it may not be worth worrying about. His specialists should keep him right. He may be playing on your sympathies or he may be genuinely freaking out. Did the hospital give him a number to ring if any questions? Perhaps you could ring it together and clarify the situation, that may ease both your minds before you go on your trip? Failing that could you take him to a Maggie centre for a cuppa and a chat. That way if you go on holiday and he needs someone to talk to he will know where to go and will have met some of the staff? That could ease your mind. Don’t feel guilty. Go on your trip. I wish he had waited till your return to tell you.

They do presume something else will kill you at that age. The op. is brutal, if he is not in good health beforehand, with his drinking he probably is not.

I would go on your holiday.

Sorry to hear this but I would agree with some of the others, not treating but watching sounds to me like a positive and I'm sure I've read that in some case of prostate cancer that aren't so aggressive they will only start treatment once things progress. I think you're fine to go on holiday.

Hi OP, the 'watch and wait' approach is standard practice for a slow-growing prostate tumour in a man of his age. Even if he eventually requires some treatment there are numerous approaches that can be taken.

They think it might be to aggressive to treat.

Is this what he told you or has it been lost in translation?

It sounds like actually it is not aggressive at all hence the wait and see approach. In light of that, I don’t think you should cancel your holiday.

This isn't meant to scare anyone, but I think everyone should know that there is a very rare aggressive form of prostate cancer that can kill someone in a matter of months. It doesn't sound like Waytooearly's ex has that kind.

About the confusing treatment statements, I wonder if he was told the treatment was too aggressive?

I'm sure it's reassuring him that you're so concerned. Even if it's not the aggressive form, it's a scary diagnosis, both the cancer and the fear of having his prostate removed. I don't think it's surprising or selfish that he told you. More that you someone he trusts.