I’ve had enough.

[EsmeMummy18]

This is gonna be a long rant but I have no one to talk to about it.
I’ve been with my husband for 5 years (married for 2) and we have a 1 year old daughter. Our relationship has always been up and down mostly due to him having bi polar and suffering with depression/anxiety. But ever since I got pregnant and had our baby life together has never been more strained. We also struggled because of his ex wife and daughter with her.
We spend no time together or even as a family because he is attached to his phone, if I ask him to go phones free he always flips it onto me. He looks for an issue with everything, never wants to go out even for a walk. Then says “I better go cause I won’t hear the end of it”.
I’m at a point where I can’t be bothered anymore, I know I’m not perfect but he literally looks for a reason to be annoyed with me all the time but if I get annoyed he says I’m a nag and that I give him a hard time.
He never cooks any meals, it’s always me. I can’t even ask for a cup of tea without being told I’m a nag or huffing and puffing. He does help with household things but that’s because he has OCD.
Most things in our life revolve around him and what makes him happy or what he’s happy to do. Even money - our baby doesn’t even cost that much!! He smokes but has a vape, haircut every week and buys energy drinks daily which cost anywhere from £5 up depending on how many he buys. I go months to a year without having my hair done😞

I just feel he’s very selfish and concerned with himself and I’ve had enough. I have no patience with him anymore and find myself glad when he goes to work or I leave the house. Even going to work myself makes me happy. I look at everyone else happy together in their marriages and it really gets to me. I want that and I want someone who appreciates me and to be present in our marriage. There is so much more but I’d be here for an hour typing otherwise.

Sorry for the novel, i don’t know what to do, I’m really broken by all this.

He just sounds like a bit of a loser that is using mental health as an excuse. Get out while you can.

Make sure your on birth control till you have decided what to do.
The change might not come unfortunately but don’t be like me 20 something years down the line a severely autistic non verbal child to boot.
Now going through a divorce.

I did write a lot of this in anger yesterday and I’m not making excuses for him because he can be an arse.
We can be as bad as each other... I think mainly we’ve got complacent since having our baby and sometimes I expect more from him when I could also do something.
He’s just become lazy which he admits too and agrees he’s selfish and wants to work together to have a happy life not just for our daughter but for us too.
My family kind of took a dislike without getting to know him but I know they’re just thinking of me.
I told him last night I will not carry on and be dragged into his pit of self pity. He can either stay in it alone or get out.

Selfish people rarely change.

His other daughter is 8.
My family live close by and would always help out.

How does he treat other people? You need to try hard to take a step back and see things clearly, what's really going on here. I say that from someone who used to be in a similar situation, my ex was not diagnosed with anything but looking back he does have some server issues. He was obsessive, compulsive and arrogant so say but a few. I noticed way too late how he treated others. He was very inpatient, dismissive of people's emotions and emotionally detached. He often fell out with people and if I was honest there was a family history of nastiness and risk taking. And crutially I was afraid of him.
He probably does have mental health problems but it's kind of irrelevant, he was and continues to be an ass hole and generally not a nice person.
Don't feel sorry for him as he will use that against you.

He gets on with people in general well, no one seems to have a bad word to say about him. He’s very generous and caring, if someone needs a hand he’ll always offer help and he is like that at home too.
We only have problems when it comes to money or his ex really. I’m not happy with how our house is and I get annoyed that we haven’t been on a holiday in 4 years. He works a lot and hasn’t had time off since May so we’ve butted heads cause he wants to chill out and id like us to enjoy spending time out rather than at home (we have gone out and done things still) I don’t feel bad for him tho because I will not allow someone to put their problems onto me. He’s father has terminal cancer and has been given a max of two years (I do feel awful for him in that aspect)
I’ve already decided what I am doing and have no spoken to him about it. I’m getting myself prepared quietly so when the time comes I can just go.