Feeling sad

[justamum15]

Feeling a bit sad. My best friend is moving away to live with her husband (not too far) but won't be seeing her as often as I am now and she'll have a new circle of friends etc. I'm just scared she'll forget about me.

My husband works hard for our family. I'm a stay at home mum to 1.5 year old twins. It's difficult but I try and make it work. I want to find work but at the moment it doesn't pay financially to work (I'm trying to get a higher paying job).

I feel my friend makes so much more effort than my husband. She asks if I want to go to interesting places, asks if I want to go to concerts etc. My husband works for himself and I think sometimes he prefers to be in work as he never mentions that he wants to take a holiday or to go and see a concert/take a break. He never seems to want anything.

I'm going to miss my friend. I feel lonely. I want someone to ring and say, want to do this. I feel my husband doesn't do this. He is happy to work, come home, relax. Which is fine but I love socialising etc.

How far away is she moving?

Do you drive?

Not sure why it should make such a massive difference if it's 'not too far')?

You can also make new friends of your own?

I get it, my neighbour was often going away, or talking about moving away. It hurt because I liked spending time with her.

I'd say, look up some local things and go along. I play guitar and there was a Tuesday night jam and open mic and I met SO many people through that. Parties, birthdays etc. Yes your friend is moving but keep in touch and plan stuff, and ADD more stuff in too xxxxx

How far away is she moving?

If it’s ‘not too far’ I also don’t understand how or why it would make any difference?

Goes without saying your problem is with your marriage and feeling unhappy with your husband, not that your friend is moving. Does he know you’re not happy and would like to do more together?

I look after the kids and do all the housework. I don't mind at the moment because I don't work outside the home but I don't know how to do diy and i am so busy looking after the kids literally doing everything and cleaning the house and trying to give them a good upbringing - socialising etc- there are a million things that need doing in our house and he doesn't care. Fence around the garden so the kids are contained etc. Ive told him I need help with this and he just fobs me off every time saying he needs to get so and so before he starts work or that a builder friend isn't available . This has been going on for months. I feel like he doesn't care that the kids and i are indoors . They want to play outside. He would just switch the telly on all day or put them in childcare - i dont think he knows how much it would cost. I just feel like he doesnt value what im doing or me as a person. I dont want to look at him today. Ive just had enough. Ive organised a holiday next week just the both of us , i organised the childcare , the where , whats ,hows . He hasn't taken a holiday in over a year. He works for himself /a rich uncle so he gets money regardless of whether or not the business works or not. If that makes sense. Its easier for him
To be in work than with me and the kids. I need him to be on holiday with us sometimes or just suggest it.

Why not just book yourself a fencing man to come and fix the fence? It will cost less than childcare - and if he complains, then you can say that you'd told him often enough it needed doing and he hadn't fixed it, you aren't capable of fixing it and the children needed to be outside!

You actually sound a little bit passive and tired. Do you have other friends? Maybe a local TAMBA that you could join? Or start suggesting things that you and your husband could go to together, perhaps he never does things with you becuase he thinks you and friend would prefer to go together?

He does sound a bit of an oblivious fool though. You need to make yourself an independant life and not need to rely on him for anything.