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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do you guys think? Neighbour

19 replies

ALOHA192090 · 23/08/2019 09:59

I have a neighbor that is a woman who i would say since i have met she has been nice etc she sometimes comes over to mine to chat to my boyfriend i don't mind at all and i just stay in the room, while they're having conversations who is close to my boyfriend not close as in close close but she does come over here sometimes to give him food etc have convo , and talk if they see each other in the neighbourhood. Now let's get to tonight somethings unexpected happened , she was over and my bf was cooking dinner i was in the room just watching tv and chilling and on my phone while she was chatting with him she comes over to my room and start chatting saying she's seen me outside bla bla. Let's get to the point tonight while having dinner after it was cooked my bf brings it over to me in the room i always need extra side with my dinner that is chilli so i go over to the kitchen and end up in full on conversations about everything and anything mind you i had 2 glasses of wine not drunk just sitting there eating chatting away with me my bf and her. I don't if I'm overreacting but she starts being smarts ass towards me mind you she has been here before once i told her all my life story personal shit like i have been in foster care and once i turned 18 i had my own unit here etc i also have carers that supports me 3 days a week to attend college, so we're deep into conversations she starts saying like why do you need carers your 24 your an adult i have see other kids in foster care moving on in life and doing great things and i said are you saying I'm fucked jokingly she just brushed it off so we continue chatting and then she said she knows this disable girl who is so hairy on her legs and that area and she's in wheelchair she has achieved diplomas etc and doing great i was like wow that's good she's motivated amazing etc and then she's like i can introduce you to her also mind you i recently started a course in Community Services and i have told her this when we were chatting at the start etc. So me thinking this lady is being a smart ass i tried to play the game she was playing basically am overreacting or was she trying to put me down what do you guys think? There is more to this i can keep going but those comment she made me feel weird in a way like i am not worth having these support workers and she thinks i dont need it because I'm 24 yrs old and i should basically be mature. I have my personal history being in foster etc i don't want to go over that. After she left i was literally yelling on top of my lungs asking my bf if she was trying to make me feel low and i dont know smartass also i tried killing myself 5 weeks ago and since i got discharged i got into this course commumity services and i have been attending 3 days a week usually with my mental health etc i sometimes struggle for her to come over and be little me i felt sad and she herself has been a support worker previously so i don't understand how you can say things like that to someone who is struggling mind you she doesn't even know except 2 twice she visited. What do you guys think am i overreacting?

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 23/08/2019 10:29

You are clearly very vulnerable and unwell and, gently, I think you need to forget about this interaction and what it means and focus on yourself and getting better. She could be saying you don’t need carers in a positive way - meaning she thinks you’re capable of more than you think you are; or she could be, as you say, putting you down. It’s impossible for an outsider to say. Either way, if she tries to bring it up again just tell her you don’t like talking about your past or your additional needs and can you change the subject. If she’s a nice person and trying to be your friend she’ll respect that. If she isn’t, then you know that you and your boyfriend need to stop seeing her as a friend.

ALOHA192090 · 23/08/2019 12:59

Thanks alot for replying Smile i think you may be right maybe i just took it the wrong way because of the vibe i got off her but you never know. Thanks for the advice i really appreciate it.

OP posts:
Hadjab · 23/08/2019 19:46

I’m sorry, that was painful to read.

funnylittlefloozie · 23/08/2019 20:32

Bit of compassion wouldnt go amiss, eh, Hadjab?

ALOHA, i have to agree with the previous poster who said you need to focus on yourself and getting better. This lady might just be a bit clumsy in the way she phrases things, and she might turn out to be really nice - but you need to be in a good place yourself before you can work out what she is. Take care of yourself, you are doing really well if you're going to college, cooking for yourself, have a boyfriend, etc.

PumpkinP · 23/08/2019 20:55

I struggled to read that sorry.

KurriKawari · 24/08/2019 01:32

Take a deep breath.

Alicewond · 24/08/2019 01:42

I feel for you Op, you have been through so much and you are still standing. Shows how brave you are! This is an awful thing to experience and yet you are still here. What help do you have to work through these feelings and experiences?

Tojigornot · 24/08/2019 02:03

It all sounds very difficult but if she doesn’t know the details I wouldn’t be assuming the worst and be yelling about her. I would also think that this is also very hard for your boyfriend and he also needs friends and some support.

Monty27 · 24/08/2019 02:11

Pick your friends more wisely OP.
Your neighbour has no business in your home. Keep her away and look after yourself.
I hope you get proper love and support soon x

PatricksRum · 24/08/2019 02:53

This is where paragraphs are vital.

I'm a bit confused at the setup, she regularly comes over to talk to your boyfriend and you sit in your room?

This is what happens when you overshare. Do not tell strangers your personal information. They will become opinionated and it can upset you.

Just ignore it and use it as a lesson for the future.

ALOHA192090 · 24/08/2019 04:04

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ALOHA192090 · 24/08/2019 04:20

PumpkinP: its not an assignment that needs to be perfectly written for your eyes. If you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all. Move along!

OP posts:
Musti · 24/08/2019 04:21

Without knowing her it is difficult to know her motivation but she probably was clumsily trying to encourage you rather than have a dog at you.

You're doing really well and it's good that you have the help you need. Keep going op.

ALOHA192090 · 24/08/2019 04:22

PatricksRum: yes i stay there because personally i don't know her hi bye and have had conversation with her for few hours before. That's it. But yes i have learned something not share my personal life with people and your right they become opinionated. [Smile]

OP posts:
ALOHA192090 · 24/08/2019 04:24

Monty27: Thanks for replying i really appreciate it. Smile

OP posts:
ALOHA192090 · 24/08/2019 04:27

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ALOHA192090 · 24/08/2019 04:28

Musti: I appreciate your feedback thanks Smile

OP posts:
Gingerkittykat · 24/08/2019 04:38

It sounds like she sees you coping in some areas but can't understand how much you struggle in other areas and need some intensive support. She needs to understand that not everyone reacts the same from experiences, so one person might leave foster care and cope fine but others have more complex lives.

You do deserve your support workers, hopefully they will help you to keep moving forward.

ALOHA192090 · 24/08/2019 07:33

You are so right omg to the point :) Thanks for understanding 😁

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