Why the sense of entitlement?

[LittleMiss2011]

Long story short, I became friends with a man I met through renting out my rooms - just friends. I would share my food with him and on few occasions, I gave him advice regarding the mother of his child - that he should respect and help her instead of verbally abusing her.

I found this man to very selfish, entitled and opinionated - he is a typical taker. When he found a better offer to stay with friends for free, he moved out at short notice. I owed him about £200 for the deposit, which he made such fuss about including abusive messages. All I asked was for him to give me a few days to pay him.
I have not heard from him for over a year when I received an email out of the blue full of apologies, how sorry he was that he behaved that way and that I had been very nice to him, shown him kindness and generosity and if we could be friends again.
I replied to the email that I had forgotten about the incidents and then we moved to WhatsApp - he has gone back to his own country. We chatted a few time and he told me that he was often in town to see his son. I even offered for him to stay at my house as I had stopped renting out my rooms.

Then last week, I received a message from him, I replied that I had problems at the moment and may not be able to respond as often - he sent me a message stating that I was depressed - saying, all this will pass, stay strong. At no point did he asked me what was the problems - he just assumed, saying that he too was depressed and he was now ok. I did not respond to the message.

I got a message this week saying that he is reluctant to accept my offer to stay in my house because while he was staying in my house, I would sometimes go silent (he accused me of having mood swings) I run my own business and have other projects on the go all the time. I need quiet time to think and reflect.

I told him that he cannot stay in my house after that message and he was better off finding alternatives. More accusations of me being quick temper and not allowing people to express their mind blah blah blah.. it was a long text and how he does not want to be friends with me anymore.

I responded with; "OK"

Why do I feel so upset at the way that he feels he is entitled?

Why not just block him and forget it.

I think maybe you are recognising that you busted your own boundaries by allowing someone back in your life who had treated you so badly in the past.

It's pretty clear he wanted to use your place as a free base while he was in the country, and he was hoping that his message would have you promising to 'not be depressed' whilst he was around. That didn't work, but I'm pretty sure this isn't the end unless you block him.

People feeling entitled is never your problem unless you try to somehow indulge their entitlement, or try to make them not entitled. Other people are out of our control, and 'negative' emotions are always, ultimately, about our own self. They are pointers to how we self-abandon or self-abuse; how we don't love and value ourselves.

The usual response is to get annoyed with ourselves and try to 'shut
down' the feelings. Instead, have a little tune in and see how you are feeling in your body, and ask yourself 'why?' You have the answer within you, it's just a question of accessing it

You have a problem, it is not your former tenant. He is a user, as you have identified. Your problem is one I used to suffer from, until I reformed my ways of dealing with people. You are a rescue-type who wants to help people. You get a good feeling of doing this, like I used to. It is not a bad thing really, but it does leave you vulnerable to people with strong personalities who want to take what they want from you. This man is a former tenant, and there he should remain. Don't let him back in your house and don't let him use your time and energy further. They invented block function on technology for a reason. He showed you who he was when he lived at your place. He abused his ex, he shouted at you, left without notice...run with that view. The 'nice guy' routine is just so he can get a free room.

Thank you all so much. Mumsnet has helped me over the years to identified that I have a huge problems and I have been dealing with it. I am a people pleaser and often offers help when I don't get one in return.

In fact the first email stated that his wish was to stay in my house rather than his friends or people from his own country and that someone from a different country could care more than someone from his own country.

I am still improving.

All of his messages are huge red flags. He’s an abuser. Block and forget. Are you in counselling? I’d recommend it for helping to unpick why you facilitate people like this

There’s a huge difference between helping someone and being a doormat and your is problem is you don’t.

You are responsible for maintaining your boundaries, expecting someone else to when you don’t, will always be an opportunity for some to overstep them.

Well he's still an entitled fucking asshole.
Block him on everything.
Never respond to any messages from him ever again.
He is one of life's takers.
He will never ever change.
Be rid of him and don't allow him to rent room in your headspace for another second!

Sounds a like a complete twat! Also, back in his own country but often in town to see his son? What does he do for a living? Seems a bit odd that set up. Anyway, I'd block him, change locks and have nothing to do with him. I'm sure it's a good thing to rent out rooms but I honestly would only rent out to other women...I know that may sound bad, I just couldn't settle with strange guys in my house.

Just block and ignore. He adds nothing to your life just takes.