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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband seems determined to be miserable

7 replies

Sammynails · 23/08/2019 00:01

So we've been married 9 years, DCs are 4 and 6 now and we have a dog (my idea).
Overall things look good from the outside, no money worries, I've gone back to uni and the kids are great.
DH seems fine to other people, chatty and friendly and he is with me and the kids most of the time. But under the surface he's bloody miserable, mopes around, and this week it's all come to the surface with a couple of rows.
Apparently life is harder than he would want, we are always busy, he'd rather be doing things like renovating houses (he currently works in IT) and not having family stuff getting in the way.
Things that get him down:
The fact I have to walk the dog before we go out for the day (he almost never walks him).
Not having enough time to do stuff in the garage that he wants to do.
The kids being annoying.

I just feel that he is being a petulant child and he needs to adjust his expectations of life and enjoy what he's got.
He refuses to do anything like CBT, hypnotherapy, or any kind of practical solution. He just says I'm laying the blame at his feet.
What else can I suggest? Just go off and be single and do a house up?? It's just infuriating.

OP posts:
KindnessIsNotWeakness · 23/08/2019 00:17

Surely the blame for him being miserable is him? Why are there so many grumpy men in the world?

Maneandfeathers · 23/08/2019 10:10

Are you married to my husband Sad

Sometimes I feel like a life alone would be better

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/08/2019 10:15

What else can I suggest?

Well, if he he won't take any of your advice or do anything for himself, I'm not sure why you're bothering trying to think of anything else.

Personally, I'd pack him a bag and tell him to take his miserable face somewhere else if life with you and HIS CHILDREN is so bad.

But then I don't have a lot of patience...

Fairylea · 23/08/2019 10:17

Did you get the dog without asking him? If not then he really can’t moan about it.

The kids are young and life is hard when they’re little. He’s being unrealistic.

SnuggyBuggy · 23/08/2019 10:18

You can't help someone who won't help themselves

hellsbellsmelons · 23/08/2019 10:25

Apparently life is harder than he would want
Ahhhh... diddums!
Welcome to life and the real world.

Just go off and be single and do a house up??
Yep - tell him to do this.

yellowallpaper · 23/08/2019 10:28

He's not depressed, he is just not willing to make compromises to family life. We all have to give up our hobbies and dreams at certain times in our lives and put others first. Young children unfortunately are one of these times. He is just being selfish and needs to readjust his expectations

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