worried about ending things with dh....

[americantrish]

the marriage has broken down. horribly. and this time, i dont think there is any turning back. i am so worried about how he will take it when it comes time. i dont want things to turn nasty. i am not wanting to take his son away (50/50 custody, visitations, etc.) - i just cant take feeling like this, EVERY single day. we dont get on, we dont agree on anything, and it is affecting ds (who's 3) now. i dont know where else to turn. i dont have any RL friends that i know well enough to go to. and family is in the US

i'm just finding it hard to go on every day. i am struggling with ds's behaviour and trying to keep my own stress and emotions in check

i just need someplace to safely vent....

Poor you- I haven't read your previous threads, but couldn't pass by without offering what I can. This is the ideal place to vent , if there isn't anyone nearby to help.
Can you get help from your health visitor with ds's behaviour?
Would you consider talking to Relate on your own perhaps to try and deal with your own emotions?
I hope you can find a way of working through the things that need sorting out with dh. Good luck and remember Mn is always here.

Hey Trish, am really sorry to hear this. I didn't know your marriage was in trouble If you need someone to talk I'm not far, remember?! Have mailed you btw. re. a Chelmsford meetup with some other people. But if you want to vent over a cup of coffee with just the two of us, I'm here. Drop me a line!

thank you robinpud. i know once he knows how i feel, i dont be online anymore from home. and online is how i connect to most of the 'world' (and he knows this.)
ds's behaviour is just the normal 3 year old stuff, trying to push the limits and see what he can 'get away with' but with the additional stress from the failing(failed?) marriage, it makes it so much harder. :I

i'm in counselling once a week at my GPs. but probably only for another 5 or 6 weeks. and my counsellers been so good. i'm so lucky. she is helping me see how desparately unhappy i am.

thank you again... there's got to be a way..somehow.

I know I'm a complete stranger, but sometimes it's actually good to talk to someone who isn't so closely involved, iyswim.

hey michaelad, thank you. i couldnt be bothered to use a fake name this time. i saw the email.. will get back to you maybe later today when ds is in nursery. i appreciate the offer. my head feels like its gonna pop. (this is probably because i know i have to tell him soon. because his bday is on thursday and i cant be all happy for it when its all a lie.)

i agree definitely, michaelad. non-biased parties often offer a different way of looking at things.

Ok, will check mail later!
Must be horrible to feel so stuck and to know in your heart that you have to tell him (and so soon) but life is worth more than being unhappy all the time. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.. Marriage is fine but have struggled alot with everything else for the past few years!

Have to go, ds2's going berserk downstairs on his own but as I said, will check mail later! Stay strong!!

thanks michaelad

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thanks dior.... i have to keep refocusing myself on how horrible i've been feeling. i cant allow myself to sugarcoat anything this time. i hope you are able to end it soon as well..x

Hey Trish, how are you doing? Have you said anything to him yet (considering it's his birthday tomorrow)?
Hope you're holding up alright!