Waiting for partner's divorce to finalize

[jetgirl87]

Hi there, I would really appreciate some advice from anyone who may have been in a similar situation to me!

I've been in a LDR with my partner for 2 years. When we met, he was in the process of his divorce of 2 years in the works already. During this time went through rebound relationships, therapy, tried to save his marriage but it didn't work. He is legally separated from his wife, tax, assets, living separately etc. She hasn't caused him any complications in the divorce from what he has told me, she never hired a lawyer or made any requests.

Over the course of 2 years, his lawyer has told him numerous of times that the divorce will be finalized, only to be told that he has to wait another month, another 3 months etc. There was a update of the paperwork to digital system, lawyer making a mistake in paperwork etc. It's been a nightmare of waiting, and my partner is not lying or stalling because all the information of the case can be seen online and it's up to date, everything seems to check out.

I am struggling with the slow painful process of the court taking its time and apparently a back log of 3 months.

Our hopes and plans are to get married, end the long distance and start a family. But its impossible to move on because the divorce is still not finalized. I have waited 2 years already, and have just been told his case won't get look at again until December because of the backlog.

We have met each others parents, families, friends, relatives who all know our situation. We have been renovating his house together. I am very much a part of his life, even though we are LDR. I just don't want to believe that I am in another cliche of dating a divorced man who will always be unavailable to me. I read that you should never date someone until a year after their divorce. But what if their divorce has taken 4 years off their lives? Is my situation an exception, or am I just like every other woman who makes the mistake of dating a man going through a divorce.

I'm really lost to what I should do, because the stress of the divorce is impacting our relationship. Amongst other things like long distance. He hates seeing me get emotional about the divorce but its hard not to be upset when told every time that it's still not finalized.

Thank you for reading.

Well I actually got engaged before my divorce was finalise (and had a baby but that was a bit of a surprise)

I wanted a 'no blame ' 2 year separation divorce, but though it was the most easy divorce ever - we'd split assists 2 years previous , sorted maintenance and visitations out , it still took another 9 months on top.

Just get on with your life - it will happen x

My divorce came through the day me and my new partner moved into our new house.

It's a long drawn out process.

I don't understand why you can't move in together etc if that's what you want. Why is the divorce affecting you?

@Robin2323 thank you the positivity! And congrats. I am happy for your success!

@Benes yes it is!

@AmIThough he is from the states and I am from the UK. He owns his house in the states so that is why moving together is not possible or legal at this point.

Are you sure he is actually getting divorced?

And that you aren't the OW? Does he have kids?

Have you met his family and have his claims been verified by any of them?

I've heard similar stories and the guy has been lying all along. It's easier to do with a LDR.

@SandyY2K Yes he is, the divorce case is online - open to the public, from the day it was filed to the most up to date proceedings.

He doesn't have kids.

Yes we have met each others parents and family etc. I've spent many a time with his family, gatherings, important events etc.

DH was separated from his ex wife when I met him. His divorce was messy and she made it as difficult as she could (even though she had had the affair and left him). I honestly thought itd never end but it did. I thought our relationship had been set back because of it but it wasnt and we have now been together for 10 years and married for 6.

Just live your life together like you would normally- move in together if you feel you are ready to and ignore what people say you should do.

So you need to marry him for visa purposes and therefore can’t wait for this divorce to be finalised?

If it’s not that I don’t see why you are letting this take over so much. If you aren’t in a rush to get married you can just crack on with your relationship.

Is his divorce going through the UK or the States?

@Smurfy23 thank you, and congrats on the 6 years of marriage and 10 years together! That's amazing.

@NotStayingIn yes you're right. Marriage isn't anything to rush into. Actually we have just realised that this divorce may be taking longer than we hoped for but getting on with the relationship is just as important and time is not wasted because it is quality time being spent with each other.

@JiltedJohnsJulie his divorce is going through in the States, he is American and I am British.

The stress of divorce affecting your relationship? Seriously?

If you truly believe that he is telling the truth, and it’s all just admin errors and delays, why is that particularly stressful?

Irritating yes, but no big deal. I would work on your lack of resilience, honestly.

But it sounds like bullshit to me - I don’t know about the US divorce system but I find it hard to believe it can drag on, uncontested, for 4 years.

As for some rule about divorce +1 year, where did you read that - Cosmo?

If you really can’t see that every situation is different (like, if you’re separated for 4 years and divorce delayed by admin rubbish) and so it might not apply (bearing in mind it’s just some trite rule of thumb anyway) well... you sound a bit over emotional about it all.

Just tell him to get the fuck on with it, and toughen up!

Sounds like he needs a new lawyer.

All sounds a tad iffy to me....

You sure he’s telling you everything?

I waited 5 years for my OH's divorce to be done. Now living together with a baby 👍🏼