How can I find out if he's lying?

[Felixfroggie]

Met a man, 39 single, very good looking. We've been on 3 'slow' dates. I say slow because I'm being cautious after meeting some real jerks previously. They all say what you want to hear upfront. So, if I give you the situation, you tell me if you think he's genuinely single or not?

Broke with his ex 1 year ago, has a 5yo dd
He sees dd daily!
Says his ex is a full-time sahm, so how does she live?
He lives in a house-share close by that I'm not allowed to see because it's 'not nice'.
When I asked him where his ex lives he said 'name of our locality' & when I asked where specifically, he kind of reiterated this.
He doesn't appear to have many local friends?
He has his own legit business making reasonable ££
I saw his FB 6 months ago & it was only him & his dd, now it's set to totally private.

The thing is, I don't know anyone who can vouch for him. You might've thought, living only 2 streets apart, that someone would know what his real set-up is. I just feel uneasy. I don't want to be his next stepping stone if he's still with someone. What d'you reckon?

Companies house dont list murder convictions. I doubt facebook does either

But when you Google him, up will come the LinkedIn, the Facebook, the various business pages and - murder news stories. It's quite sensible to Google potential partners.

Although three dates in six months = why bother.

"Says his ex is a full-time sahm, so how does she live?"

Spousal maintenance. Benefits. Trust fund. Works from home in some capacity.

"When I asked him where his ex lives he said 'name of our locality' & when I asked where specifically, he kind of reiterated this."

Because his ex wife's address - and that of his dd - is none of your business and he doesn't yet know you well enough to reveal that level of personal information. If a date asked me for my ex's address I'd run a mile.

Incredibly slow relationship. Nothing wrong with it. I'd say if you really like him to give it a few more dates and just relax and see where it goes. Keep your options open though, with regard to other relationships. After 3 dates it's not unreasonable for him to not want to put it all out there yet.

Yeah OP this is your second thread about this man. Your making yourself sound a little turbulent. Asking where his ex and child lives is crazy... has he seen you since then? When did you last speak to him?

I don't think it is unreasonable to want to know if he is married before you get too involved.

He might want to take it slowly because he still wants to be with his wife. He might still be with his wife.

I would want to know but then I don't like uncertainty and would rather find out it is not going anywhere and let it go if I thought something was not right. I might wait a bit longer though and not get too keen on him.

House share.
With his dw +dd.

BTW, when he tells you things and you act shocked/surprised/interested despite already knowing from stalking, who's lying?

@Parent999 I see what you are asking but I think showing the appropriate level of interest in what your date is saying about something you already know via online stalking is just good manners. You're not lying because you are not setting out to deceive them, you are just being polite.

I see online stalking as an online dating necessity and I have semi-convinced myself that I should have been a bloody PI, I can find out so much stuff about someone from so little information!!!! I don't ever tell a date I've stalked them though and if I'm directly asked, I will just admit to looking them up on FB, as that seems to be generally considered acceptable and means that I don't outright lie and deny all of it.

3 dates in 6 months? Did you go out or only at your place ? It'shardly romance of the century - you are wasting your time here .

Time to have a chat with partner when I get home.

I have zero online presence. For the Mumsnet 'nothing to hide, nothing to fear' stasi that's evidence of a marriage and kids on its own

From what I’ve understood from reading between the lines;

-He still lives with his child’s mother. I don’t think they have even split because really and truely if he can afford enough for to support the family and she is a SAHM then he certainly earns enough to rent. Even if it’s a houseshare. So I’m not sure why his not able to tell you where it is or even take you there once in a while in 6 months. Even if it’s to watch a movie.

-He sees his child everyday AKA they live together.

-His made his Facebook private so you don’t know his personal business and you don’t accidentally see his partner if she was to ever tag him or a photo was to ever appear of them on there.

Just don’t waste your time OP.

If he's only met her 3 times in 6 months who's to say the the Facebook privacy settings are anything to do with the OP? Likewise why would she have seen a movie there if they've only seen each other that infrequently?

When OLD and meeting 'strangers' it's always best to check them out on-line first.
I really don't see this as stalking.
Just protecting yourself.
3 times in 6 months though.
Why bother.
He's either still with his 'Ex' or he's a player.

I think only time will tell the truth

If your gut feeling is that he is lying.. listen to it.

Would he risk lying about his living situation when you only live two streets away? Seems quite risky.

Second thread about the same guy - in as many days?

My SM profiles are all on private. I hate the thought of people I don't know stalking me

The less you see him (you taking this so slow) the longer it will take for him to invite you to his - or not - if he's lying

Oh goodness I didn't even read that it was 3 times in 6 months! That in itself says neither of you are that bothered - sack it off surely?!