No sex in marriage

[Mark49]

I am a man, married for 20 years. My and my wife get on well, except we no longer have sex. We have had limited sex for much of our marriage, not very often, and very routine and unsatisfying for both, but the last two years have been barren. we live as brother and sister. I feel frustrated, and desperately want regular sex. We have both lost our confidence in ability to turn each other on. I feel sad about this and am considering leaving her. Is this unreasonable?

Not at all unreasonable...
Why did you both stay this long?
Or is she Ok without sex?
If she is ok with no sex - have you considered taking it outside of marriage? Open relationship - for eg - if other aspects of marriage work well?

You can end your marriage if you’re unhappy, you don’t need to be a specific amount unhappy. After two years, presuming you’ve talked about it, I don’t see how you could get it back and it would be even harder if you don’t have a history of a happy mutually satisfactory sex life to fall back on.

Obviously don’t have an affair but this is such a common story on here that I always when someone says the married man who’s putting the moves on them says he’s not having sex with his wife and everyone posts saying he must be lying. Loads of people aren’t having sex with their spouse!

You don’t have to stay OP. Happier days with someone else may well lie ahead.

Have you spoken about it?
How does she feel?
Do you still fancy her?
Does she still fancy you?
Do you love each other?

Have you spoken to her about it? I’m living in similar circumstances. In my case, my OH has said so many nasty things about me, my looks and my character over the last few years (during heated arguments) that it’s put me off to be honest. Words hurt. Have you made any effort to engage her? My OH has never bothered getting me a birthday card and it’s all about him and his needs. As long as his needs are satisfied then it’s fine but he never ever asks me what I need/want out of life. There’s nothing sexier than a man gazing at you as though you’re the best thing since sliced bread. Without that then the sex just isn’t worthwhile or interesting in my opinion. Maybe your wife feels the same. Men seem to expect to get laid regularly without putting in any leg work or romantic effort. When was the last time you wined and dined her? If you leave her and start dating/wanting sex elsewhere you’ll have to put effort in you know? You’ll have to get dressed up nicely, show interest and actually take that person out and show her a good time and more than once. You’ll have to make a sustained effort if you want sex. Why don’t you put in that sustained effort with your wife and see if that makes a difference before just giving up

Thanks so far for these replies. All useful. I admit that we have not communicated our frustrations well, especially my desire for sex. We do communicate about everything else though. We do go out for pub meals quite a lot, albeit with our child. Hence we rarely dine as a date - this could be a factor.

Few marriages survive no sex as the intimacy has died.

Not unreasonable to leave but have the discussion about how you honestly feel ...although it is possible she will see as a threat

OP
You absolutely need to have an honest and open conversation about this with your DW.

I had exactly the same situation in my marriage, and after discussion found that she just wasn't interested in sex any more - in her case, the menopause had killed her libido stone dead.. We divorced...

Of course, options for a regular sexual relationship as a guy nearer 60 than 50 are slim, so to re-hash an old saying, divorce in haste, repent at leisure..