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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My recently widowed mum ran away.

19 replies

P0ndLife · 22/08/2019 10:24

I don't know how to help my mum.

My dad died suddenly recently, he'd always looked after her as she couldn't hold down a job.

She got heavily into evangelical Christian stuff during my childhood and was a serial church hopper. She gets messages from god and tells people at churches and they often got offended and she'd get angry and move to the next church.
Same happened with most family, a message from the Lord giving judgement on what they did or should do... Naturally contact was lost with most family members.
In the last 2 years she also started being paranoid that a particular person was bugging her phone and tracking her movements.
Me and my sister have had her living between us since dad died. Mostly my sister because mum dislikes my husband. I feel my sister has had a much more stressful grieving than me because of this so I was trying to help mum find somewhere to live longterm, she went to one viewing with me. Now when I mentioned the topic she had a meltdown.
Said we were selfish gits etc. When she left my house this morning she went onto attacking my husband (he's not here tho).

I don't know what I can do. She'd never seek medical help for the intrusive thoughts. I (or my sister) can't house her forever she's so volatile.

Anyone with similar experience??

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 22/08/2019 10:37

Is there a way to have her forcibly committed? She needs professional help.

Assuming, that these ARE intrusive thoughts and its not just the case that she has a cluster b personality disorder so doesn't actually 'hear God' she just uses him as an excuse to say horrible things about people. In which case there is no helping her, help yourselves and cut contact.

Star81 · 22/08/2019 10:42

Has she ever had any form of medical help with this ?

ConfCall · 22/08/2019 10:44

Oh OP it sounds stressful.

It’s sounds like a serious mental health issue that is too complex for you and your sister to handle. Sorry to be blunt but she needs professional support, you can’t continie to muddle along. I’d call social services for advice, or maybe a charity like Mind.

RantyAnty · 22/08/2019 11:00

It does sound a bit like Schizophrenia. Agree in calling social services and other outside help.

Original poster

P0ndLife · 22/08/2019 11:07

Yes I know she is very ill. I did speak to mind not long ago but they said all services (bar suicidal cases) go via the gp.
She'd never go.
She had antidepressants but when I was very tiny, but stopped as they made her sleep, then she got into faith stuff.

I just want her to be safe in a home of her own, it might make her feel more secure? Dampen down the paranoia elements. I don't hold out much hope for treatment of her religious belief.

Thank you

OP posts:

CuriousMama · 22/08/2019 11:09

I agree regarding ringing SS.

So sorry you're going through this.

Pinkbonbon · 22/08/2019 11:16

If it wasn't god talking to her it would be something else she would imagine so the faith really isn't the issue. Not that you should but if it were me, i'd lie and say she threatened suicide just to get her assessed tbh. Whatever you need to do to get her the help she needs.

Skinandbones · 22/08/2019 11:17

If she's running away plus the voices (who know what they might say to her) would that mean she is a danger to herself and possibly others. Which means she could be sectioned, I think. Had this in a different context with mil.

RantyAnty · 22/08/2019 11:20

Can you find out how to get her sectioned?

Then at least her mental and physical health can be assessed to find out what is going on and get proper treatment.

Kitty1184 · 22/08/2019 11:23

@P0ndLife is there a crisis team where you live?

This does some like some kind of psychosis or schizophrenia.

111 may be able to help -

www.nhs.uk/using-the-nhs/nhs-services/mental-health-services/dealing-with-a-mental-health-crisis-or-emergency/

Sending you lots of love

RatherBeRiding · 22/08/2019 11:24

Do you know where she physically is? If you have an address, phone the local authority mental health section and ask to speak to someone from the duty team about arranging an urgent assessment under the Mental Health Act. Whichever of you or your sister is the elder will be classed as Nearest Relative under the MHA and can request a MHA assessment.

stucknoue · 22/08/2019 11:25

You need to call the mental health crisis team or 999 (assuming you know where she is) alternatively the police as a vulnerable missing person. Having a faith is great people do believe god speaks to them, but it sounds more like mental illness in her case.

Original poster

P0ndLife · 22/08/2019 11:47

OK I phoned mental health social services and apparently referral is still via the gp, but I can speak to them there and express concern/ask for assessment, which I didn't know.

I don't know which gp she is at so will ask my sister and suggest we go together to speak to the doctor. Although it would be validating all her paranoia about people going behind her back 😣

I don't think I can call the police she's only been gone since the morning!
I'm just stressed because normally if she's in a rage I can calm her and guide her to the bedroom for rest but my husband is away and I have two children with me and I can't call and say 'where are you, I'm coming'.
Thanks again, good to have a concrete action to take.

OP posts:

Kitty1184 · 22/08/2019 12:01

You can 100% ring the police if you're (very rightfully) concerned about her mental health. At the very least they can circulate her details (also great if you have a recent picture) to coppers in the area. Would recommend you do so.

If she's found by police in a public place and they're also concerned she could harm herself or others, they can section her under Section 136.

Frith2013 · 22/08/2019 12:05

For goodness sake, people, you can’t “get someone sectioned”!

ChibiTotoro · 22/08/2019 12:18

You have my enormous sympathies. My DF was a paranoid schizophrenic. We initially went to his GP to discuss our concerns, but it took a significant event with a member of the public before he was sectioned for the first time.
I forged a relationship with the neighbourhood police team that covered where DF lived and this helped significantly as it was another agency that could keep an eye on him, plus they could put forward any concerns that they had to the Community Mental Health Team, which added weight to the argument for concerns for his health.
With the correct medication your DM's life and those around her can be improved dramatically, but it is a long process and you need to remember that you are doing it for her and to be kind to yourself.

RatherBeRiding · 22/08/2019 12:20

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/nearest-relative/sectioning-and-guardianships/#.XV55YOhKiUk

OP - please read this. As your DM is widowed, then her eldest child over the age of 18 is, in law, her Nearest Relative for the purposes of the Mental Health Act and your local SS mental health team MUST consider a request for assessment from the Nearest Relative. Worth ringing them back and quoting this advice from MIND.

CuriousMama · 22/08/2019 12:54

Best of luck OP

Kitty1184 · 23/08/2019 09:50

How are things today OP?

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