Unhappy with child’s father want advice

[Gabi82]

I have been with my 5 year old child’s father now for 10 years on and off.
We briefly split up last year and got Back together but he has gone back to the person he was and the reason we split up.
I feel very unhappy and trapped as I would become a single mum with no support here in England, we moved he few years back.
The problems are endless, he constantly shouts out me , bellows, you can’t confront him or ask him anything without him shouting at me always in front of our Child, he swears at me and always gets so angry , he is not physically abusive but very verbally abusive . We fight daily , we sleep I. Separate bedrooms, we have sex about once a month, no affection. He will just come up to be about one time a month and ask if I want to perform oral with no affection or anything, I now refuse him . He is terrible at managing the finances and is so selfish always spending it in himself and never in child or me. He acts like a bully and also lies. He sits on his phone when he is at home on social media and I found out he has all these female colleagues I never heard of on there as friends and was commenting liking pics and I have never heard or or met any of them , also does the same with women from his past the. Shouts if I confront him and says I’m crazy and will refuse to answer why he does it.
Everything is unresolved , he gives me no attention. And if on the rare occasion. We go out somewhere as a family all he does is ogle other women and argue in the car in front of little one.
I know he obvious answer is to leave but financially I would really struggle and I literally don’t think he would leave, any advice or even feedback would be much appreciated I’m constantly anxious and angry
Sorry for long post

What is your financial situation? Do you own/rent and in whose name?
Do you have a job?
Is there any chance you could persuade him to move back home before you separate?

Look at ways of increasing your own income.
Your child shouldn’t be living in such a toxic environment.
Who’s name is the tenancy in?

work out your finances using a benefits calculator. Whose name is the tenancy in? When you split before, how did it work?

From your description, the relationship doesn’t seem to give you anything so why stay and let him make you miserable? Your son needs a happy optimistic mum

Thanks for replies
Luckily my name is on the tenancy because I moved I. When we were separated for that year . When we were separated I was a single mum and managed on benefits and some extra work but it was a real struggle, however now my child is at school so I would be able to work more.

He won’t move back home because he isn’t British so he would have to live back abroad and he won’t do that. He would t be able to afford a flat in London, my place has a lower rent as it is housing association.
He just doesn’t care, even when I tell him I’m so unhappy he says do what you want I don’t care. Then when he really sees I’m about to leave him like I went to my parents for a week he then vows begs and says he will change

He is living a lie putting everything for show on social media about how much he loves me and the family and compliments when at home it’s the opposite. We avoid each other and when we interact it’s just toxic and contemptuous . I don’t know why we even got back together again saying he lost the love of his life, me, yeah right sure looks like it

If he's not on the tenancy he has no choice but to leave. He cannot refuse. Tell him to leave/pack his stuff, change the locks and job done. If he threatens you, call the police and they will remove him. He has no rights to remain in your home.

He doesn't need a flat he could rent a room, and tbph this isn't your problem it's his.
Your focus should be removing this waste of space from your home.
And I hope that you are getting tested regularly.

Yes being a sp is hard, but no reason to put up with this shit. Do it for your child who is learning that this is a normal relationship. if the child is a boy he will eventually start to treat you like shit. A girl and she will grow up thinking that toxic relationships are the norm, Get him out now before it's too late.

If you're not married and the tenancy is solely yours kick him out!

Listen to HeyMonkey. Change the locks, pack his stuff, kick him out and apply for all the single parent benefits you are entitled to and look for a job when your child goes to school. You may have less money and fewer "things" but you and your child will be happier.

Kick him out, apply for benefits, get a job. Ok never as easy as it sounds but try to save a months worth of expenses because there will be a lag in getting benefits meanwhile spruce up your cv and work out wrap around childcare options where you live - if you are on a low salary universal credit will help towards the cost. Work out what he owes in child support, use the csa if he refuses to engage. Hide all your important documents just in case it turns nasty. The police can help if he refuses to leave.

Jesus kick him out already and don’t take him back!! What are you waiting for?

You’re going to have to make it work alone because it’s absurd to spend another minute dealing with this! You’ve wasted enough of your life on him already!