Genuine advice needed

[Theresa79]

Hi, how can you tell if your in an emotionally abusive relationship or if it’s just in your head?

Do you have some examples of why you think it may be emotionally abusive?

Been with him 7 years, he is quite aggressive and jealous at times, he puts me down and can get very nasty, he apologises in such a way that I feel guilty for getting him angry in the first place . He is sexually demanding and I’m now at the point of walking out . I can’t find the courage which is odd as I never saw me being so weak . Sorry it’s hard to write as he’s nearby

Why would you think it's all in your head? If you have been diagnosed with psychosis then maybe but if not then listen to your instincts.
If it feels wrong it is wrong. Write down everything over a period of three months then review it and see what you think.
A lot of abusivery relationships involve one party trying to make the other party feel as if they ate imagining everything and using gaslighting as a means to belittle you.

The fact your scared says it all. Please talk to a close friend or family member if you have any near cause the support will help you walkout and not look back. Sexually demanding and emotional blackmail has zero place in a relationship! I hope you get out soon, just remember you don’t deserve to be walked over

Oh my love you poor thing 🙁

You've describes him in the following terms:

Aggressive
Jealous
Puts you down
Gets nasty
Sexually demanding

You aren't weak, you've lost your courage and started to doubt yourself.

While I would personally say that yes his behaviour does sound emotionally abusive, please don't forget that there's no set threshold for this - you don't need to be able to 'justify' leaving. if you're unhappy you have every right to end the relationship and move on.

Are you feeling like that could be the right choice? It sounds like this treatment will continue to grind you down and leave you with decreasing self confidence.

You don't need anyone's permission but your own to end a relationship - please remember that.

I’m sure
Others will be along with better advice but yes that is abuse.

I suppose I’m starting to believe the nasty comments, I’m pretty down to Earth usually, I know who I am but recently I’ve been questioning myself , this is what they do though isn’t it? Make you feel insane?

The times I've been called mental or controlling by exes has been when I've caught them cheating or they've physically hurt me, saying afterwards stuff like:

"I'm sorry but you push me to do xyz"

"I had to lie because I knew you'd go mental"

"You're fucking mental I'm not saying sorry for something you made me do"

Etc etc etc etc etc

Turns out when I'm with someone who treats me well and doesn't lie constantly, I'm not mental, I'm secure and calm.

Based on your last posts OP please end the relationship, it sounds horribly toxic and I've been there.

It only gets harder and the longer you stay the more you will doubt yourself in future relationships because of things he's said.

Sorry OP it sounds really stressful I hope you're ok

Thank you all. Needed the confirmation. It’s a scary and really confusing place to be. I need to get some help. Thanks again x

Oh and the making you feel insane - you're not alone but yes it's how someone nasty wants you to feel.

I caught my ex cheating with another woman in our flat where I paid all the rent, watched the girl leave and he sat me down afterwards and said gently and sincerely he was worried I was seeing things.

I obviously kept repeating that she had literally just walked past me out of my own home. He called my mum and asked her to come over because he was so worried about me "imagining things".

He was so terrifyingly convincing to me AND my mum that I genuinely thought I'd lost the plot and I fucking apologised!!!

Of course it came out later he'd been shagging her for ages, but my GOD he had me absolutely convinced it was in my head.

DO NOT LET HIM MAKE YOU THINK YOU'RE MAD!

Get out. As quickly as possible.

Sorry @Theresa79 cross posted - glad to hear you're getting your brain into the mindset of leaving, well done - it's the first step!

Do keep posting on here if you find it reassuring and / or need practical advice about leaving.

Hope you manage to get a nice sleep tonight

OP, I have been questioning myself this for 17 years - recently separated. I know it can be hard to recognise sometimes especially if it has crept up gradually. I just read an online version of a book called 'Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft (www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and it has enlightened me somewhat on boundaries and what is abusive emotionally and what isn't. It's worth the read.