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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Wonderful man

26 replies

Alanis126 · 21/08/2019 15:32

Hi
I'm new but have lurked for a while. I'm well aware from reading this, plus my own and friend's experiences that there isn't any shortage of bloody awful men out there. I wondered if for a change people might lole to post about the wonderful men they know. I'd nominate my platonic friend S. He is the kindest, gentlest most considerate and caring person I have ever met and a few years ago he quite literally saved my life. He has a heart full of love and is utterly humble and a great listener. Anyway that's my tuppenceworth.

OP posts:
picklejimmy · 21/08/2019 15:53

Other than my dp? Who is absolutely fantastic in every way.
Other than my dp Id have to say my best friend. He's lovely, kind, supportive and the most chilled out person I've ever met in my life.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 21/08/2019 15:54

Hm, I'm struggling with this one today.

My platonic friend of nearly 8 years, who I'd have previously described just as you described your friend, has recently proven himself to be no different to 'all the others'.

I've recently met a few men who appear to be better than that.

Time, as I find is so often the case, will tell.

Original poster
Alanis126 · 21/08/2019 16:01

It's not to diminish the bad experiences,& I fully realise many people won't have any mainly or wholly good experiences to report. But there are some and hopefully more in the future as the patriarchy goes.

OP posts:
TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 21/08/2019 16:46

What makes you think the patriarchy is going anywhere?

RLEOM · 21/08/2019 17:10

I have a male friend who is a pillar of the community, does untold amounts of charity work, always a joy to be around and has a heart of pure gold. He's only 24. One day, he's going to make an amazing husband and an amazing father. ❤

Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 21/08/2019 17:35

My platonic friend D.

He has a wicked sense of humour and makes me laugh more than most. Easy to talk to, hard working, intelligent, driven, good with kids, deeply empathetic and has an incredible ability to turn a shit situation into a positive. If I fancied him, I’d be set for life! Confused

How interesting it is, that so many of these guys are platonic friends...

Original poster
Alanis126 · 21/08/2019 18:07

I think the patriarchy will go. Just no-one knows when. I can't wait, it will set us all free.
Interesting point re:platonic friends. I kind of have to hope that in the next generation there will be more and more kind and decent men. If I didn't think the underlying trajectory was good I'd be very depressed indeed.

OP posts:
SVRT19674 · 21/08/2019 18:15

@RLEOM some day will make someone a happy wife. Your words have just been a blast from the past. My aunt said those words when I was 17. I went out with him and no one has treated me worse than he did. What a sulker and stonewaller.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 21/08/2019 22:30

some day will make someone a happy wife

Yeah, people used to say that about my ex husband too.

Whoever married him would he so lucky. He was such a gentleman. Such a kind and sweet man...

He is also a controlling abuser. He is only a kind and sweet gentleman to women who 'know their place'.

OP, the patriarchy isn't going to just 'go'. It's not a creature that will just up and leave when it gets bored. It's woven through everything - our relationships, our laws or social norms.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 21/08/2019 22:33

I don't think it's at all surprising that these men are platonic friends.

Walnutwhipster · 21/08/2019 22:33

DH and my best friend. They have both shown their love and loyalty over 25 years and I'd be lost without them both. There is no jealousy and they get on amazingly well. BF is closer than my brothers, who I also adore.

NameChangeNugget · 22/08/2019 08:09

There are loads of great men out there.

Good post OP. Naturally, as it’s a support forum, MN is full of posts about the wrong un’s, so it’s nice to see some positivity for a change

Scott72 · 22/08/2019 08:18

"I don't think it's at all surprising that these men are platonic friends."
So you've decided they're all nasty abusive misogynists waiting to unleash their true selves.

ShatnersWig · 22/08/2019 08:43

Good post OP. Naturally, as it’s a support forum, MN is full of posts about the wrong un’s, so it’s nice to see some positivity for a change

A shame, but not at all surprising, that some people chose to ignore the OP's actual posting and use it for the opposite purpose.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 22/08/2019 08:53

So you've decided they're all nasty abusive misogynists waiting to unleash their true selves.

No, but, sadly, it so often turns out to be the case.

Believe me, in real life I live in hope and would love to be surprised and find one who didn't reveal themselves to be!

I do know a couple of men who seem to be decent sorts and treat their wives with respect so I know it's not all men. But it is far more than I ever realised or would like to be the case. It often doesn't show until you are not behaving the way they think a woman should.

They choose how they behave, I just observe it.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 22/08/2019 08:54

A shame, but not at all surprising, that some people chose to ignore the OP's actual posting and use it for the opposite purpose

Well there aren't swathes of women coming on here to say otherwise either.

ShatnersWig · 22/08/2019 09:03

It wasn't the most inspiring title to attract people in, though.

SciFiScream · 22/08/2019 10:44

My DH is a wonderful man. He was wonderful as he cared for his Mum as she was dying, he always puts his family first, he probably does the majority of household admin (all types) and shares the mental load totally equally. He earns more but after all bills are paid we have an equal amount of disposable income. He puts a lot of thought into gifts for me and friends. He's an amazing Dad. He's a good friend. A valued employee and colleague. He's in the creative industries and he's talented at his job. He saved someone's life last week too.

We still argue, he always apologises (and normally first too!) he tries to learn from his mistakes and improve as a human being.

His Mum, my MIL, was wonderful (I miss her so). She did an amazing job raising a wonderful human being. He used to send her flowers on his birthday as the day wasn't just about him!

He's also good in bed and my intellectual equal, even though he doesn't think he is.

He's tall and handsome. He's all round wonderful. Meet him on a blind date. Together for 17 years. Married for 15. I knew on our second date he was the one. (A concept I'd never before believed in!)

I'm sure he has flaws, but I do too. No one is perfect but my DH comes pretty close!

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 22/08/2019 10:47

My DF, my DBs and my dear dear DH are all really lovely men. I'm sure being brought up by a lovely DF helped me identify an equally lovely DH.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 22/08/2019 10:48

Sorry, meant to write my dear dead DH.

TheBatsHaveLeftTheBellTower · 22/08/2019 10:51

SciFiScream

It sounds like you truly have a wonderful man!

Vasya · 22/08/2019 10:54

My husband, who is easily the kindest, most generous, most thoughtful and temperate and sunny nature human I've ever met.

My dad, who has his moments of grumpiness but who loves his family fiercely and who taught me that honesty and fairness are two of the most important virtues a human can have.

My brother. Seeing how great a dad he is to his new son has made me love him in a whole new way.

SciFiScream · 22/08/2019 11:01

Oh the other thing my DH does which is wonderful is that he wears a mouth guard at night to stop him snoring (and grinding his teeth and bumping his teeth together and puffing and moaning). I lost it with him one morning and demanded he did something about it. He's so quiet now...and the funniest bit? If he falls asleep without it, he wakes himself up with all the noise he makes! He sleeps better and it's protecting his teeth.

I hope our son will be as good a man as his Dad. He's a work in progress at the moment, but ever since he was about 6 I've had other women come up to me and say "he's so gentle and caring, he'll be a great Dad"!!!

My Dad is a good man. More flaws but had a traumatic life. He's very loving and does his best. He also always put his family first - often to his own detriment.

Benes · 22/08/2019 11:05

My DH is wonderful. He's a great husband and dad. We are 100% his priority. He's got a great bum too 😉

My best friend's husband and brother are also fabulous human beings. Family orientated, kind and great company.

00deed1988 · 22/08/2019 12:29

My DH. He was a full time single dad when we got together. Had my DSS from leaving the hospital at 5 days old. I knew him before and he was fun to be around and a lovely person then but he was a boy. He was 23 when my DSS was born and it made him an amazing man, although hugely difficult for him at the time.

He is kind, supportive, funny, loving, caring, my best friend and my soul mate.

He has made many sacrifices for our family and put my goals and desires above his own and supported me for 4 years while retraining to be a midwife, emotionally, physically and financially while being a great dad and working around all my placement hours and assignment deadlines. Dealt with the tears and held me while I have sobbed my heart out after a traumatic day. Been there to celebrate the great days. Got offered my 1st midwife job last week and he surprised me with a lovely meal out and bottle of bubbly.

He is an amazing daddy to our 2 boys. Their little eyes light up when he walks in the room and I still get butterflies when I see him after a long day apart.

It has been 8 years together now and each year gets better.....

I realise after typing this I don't always appreciate him enough....he currently has the boys out on a day trip to leave me with some quiet while I am meant to be sleeping after a night shift....I must thank him when he gets home for being amazing!