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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Having an 'anniversary' stress-out

3 replies

purplelass · 21/08/2019 12:03

4 years ago today, ExH arrived at a hotel with the OW to be greeted by a cheap bunch of flowers I'd sent with a card telling him what an idiot he was and that he'd lost me for good.

He thought he was clever telling me he was going away with the lads for a weekend while me & DD were away but I found the hotel confirmation in his work bag and posted on here for help as I didn't know if the booking was for me or for a colleague he was getting disturbingly close to.

So it turned out it was the latter, and I kicked him out.

Since then my life has improved drastically. Looking back I realise that he was (and still is) a narcissist and was crippling me emotionally. Yes the money side of things has been hard, with a teenage daughter to support and very little money coming from ExH but I've really found myself and am so happy and relaxed for most of the time.

But anniversaries that still hurt, and although it's easier as the years go on, it's still hard to control my feelings of anger that a man I loved was so ready to throw nearly 25 years of 'us' away for the OW, despite me offering to try Relate if he promised to never see her again. He said he couldn't do that. Idiot.

Time to give my head a wobble and remind myself of how much better I am now mentally and emotionally and how my friends have been fantastic through the whole thing, just needed to write this down to get it out of my system I think!

Thanks for listening Smile

OP posts:
OurChristmasMiracle · 21/08/2019 12:15

Not only did you do the right thing for yourself but you also showed your daughter that she should leave if a man cannot treat her with respect; and in doing that you are showing her she doesn’t need to rely on a man to provide for her- she can do that herself and she is just as valid as a person with or without a partner. You have shown her courage and stuck to your boundaries.

However, you are also allowed to grieve for the relationship you thought you had, just remind yourself though it was just a dream or illusion that he sold you and it was never going to be the happy life you deserve.

Flowers Wine and enjoy your happy new life.

eenymeenyminyme · 21/08/2019 13:01

Thank you OurChristmasMiracle - you're absolutely right on both counts, it's just nice to hear it from someone else sometimes!

Cheers Wine

eenymeenyminyme · 21/08/2019 13:08

Oops - changed name after I posted, it's still me Grin

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