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Sex, a new man & a seriously flabby mum-tum

16 replies

Hippocat · 20/08/2019 19:42

Lordy. I have a menopausal, flabby, mum-tum. I've also got a new, very good looking bf on the horizon. But I just can't imagine us going there - sex. I remember reading others posting something similar but not what the responses were? TMI but doggy-style & it all hangs down - I feel awful. He has a physical job and so is very fit & trim. I'm sure posters will say if he likes me then it shouldn't matter but I don't feel comfortable about it at all. Any ideas?

OP posts:
B00kworm86 · 20/08/2019 19:44

I'm pretty sure if you get to that point then you can guarantee he already thinks you're gorgeous, and will be so thrilled that it's actually happening, he won't give a shit!
Have fun with it, enjoy yourself and don't think on it for a moment! Honestly, I doubt he will even notice any of the things your don't like about your body!
He'll just be so happy he gets to have sex with you!

Skittlenommer · 20/08/2019 19:48

If a guy who likes you is having a good old time with you doggy style (or any other position) he wouldn’t notice if you were bright orange and made of leaves! Men don’t fixate on the same things we do.

category12 · 20/08/2019 19:50

Pretty underwear - wide suspender belt or a waspie?

AGenericUsername · 20/08/2019 19:56

Take pride in your body! If you have a flabby mum-tum it's because it grew and protected your babies. You need to accept that your body is beautiful no matter what and your bf will love every last inch of you. If he doesn't then he isn't worthy of you. You're a natural woman not a photoshopped model! Love and embrace your wobbly bits!

Themyscira · 20/08/2019 19:56

Here's what I tell myself: if he cares and doesn't like my soft tummy, he doesn't deserve to have sex with me.

Chances are he will not care a single jot.

tilly2dresses · 20/08/2019 20:04

Why not you try wearing a negligee then you could keep it on with no underwear until you feel more comfortable

picklejimmy · 20/08/2019 20:10

He won't care. If he likes you, he really won't even notice or see it as an issue.

SparklyMagpie · 20/08/2019 20:12

It really doesn't matter as much as you think, although I get what you're saying.

I didnt meet anyone until 4 years after my child and he loved/ loves ( as we are separated but still see eachother) every single inch of me

If hes not a dick, he'll appreciate you before your body, and I'll be honest I was at my worst but he makes me feel at my best and I forget about all my hang ups

Could you get maybe a baby doll or something loose and fitting If you really dont feel comfortable?

Enjoy it, you've created something amazing and special, it's part of you and anybody who thinks differently isnt worth it

Tableclothing · 20/08/2019 20:13

How will he even see it during doggy style?

Mermaidsinthesand · 21/08/2019 07:38

All you need is good make up, slap on some fake tan and go for it!

CassandraGemini · 21/08/2019 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConfCall · 21/08/2019 08:09

I’ve said on these threads before that most men care far less than we think about such things.

WhatWhyWhen · 21/08/2019 08:14

I have the same issue and did worry a lot! For me I bought quite a few bodies, Victoria’s Secret is good or honey birdette for wide suspenders belts which you don’t need to take off (no pants!).

Found that he quite liked lingerie and I felt more comfortable so just kept it on and shifted the thing to the side!

After the first few times hopefully you will
Comfortable enough to go the full monte.

To be honest I think sexy lingerie is more seductive anyway!

WhatWhyWhen · 21/08/2019 08:14

*thong!

letmepeeinpeace · 21/08/2019 08:17

I'm in the same boat but more concerned about my downstairs area!! It's been completely destroyed by four children!!

finitemonkeys · 21/08/2019 09:28

Mum-tum's are common, he's almost certainly used to them, he clearly likes you and if he wants to sleep with you, it's not going to be a shock or turn-off to him, he's unlikely to even notice.

And, even though he's physically fit, there's a better than average chance that he's thinking about sex and hoping you won't notice any physical flaws that he feels self-conscious about. They don't like to show it but I can't tell you the amount of male friends and ex partners who were convinced they were hideous because of love handles, back acne, beer belly etc.

Also, another option is if you lie down the tummy blends in and doesn't sag at all and there's lots of fun variations on the missionary that aren't too intimidating or adventurous for the first time.

But if you're self-conscious, try not to take it all too seriously. Keep it lighthearted: chat and gently joke about it to keep it from being awkward and make it fun instead of a big emotional thing.

Sex is inherently undignified, filled with lots of weird squelchy noises, stupid faces and clumsy manoeuvring. The best sex is never tidy, pretty or graceful :). Just enjoy playing around, keep it fun and try not to worry about your belly - I can guarantee you he won't be Wink

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