I wish I had a best friend

[Thunder82]

I talk to lots of ppl and I had a bunch of friends before my wedding when their true colours came out. My life moved quicker than theirs and I had a family why they were chasing younger boys, I grew up quicker and my life changed where's there's didn't so we drifted apart. 7 years later, my kids are growing up and at school and during drop I see mum's dropping their kids off then going for coffees etc why I work Monday to Friday and my heart aches,as I want that. I feel so lonely. I'm in my early 30s and have a husband but he works shifts and a lot of overtime. I'm always on my own. I arrange meeting up with people with their kids but no real friendships ever come of it. I just want a best mate, I hear ppl going out or meeting up with all their mates and I could just cry as it's effecting me so much that I don't have that. I feel like I'm the only person who doesn't have a best mate who I can call up, go shopping, spas etc. Does anyone else suffer with loneliness

Yes. In fact I posted the other day as I have absolutely no friends at all. I feel terribly lonely a lot. I only have my mum to do things with and she suffers with bad arthritis and runs her own business but gets exhausted, she’s my best friend but sometimes I think it’d be nice to have someone my age to hang about with. It’s not a nice feeling and I feel quite pathetic sometimes. Sorry no advice just to say you’re not the only one! Xx

I am a guy who posted my own thread a bit ago but read this because it made sense to me. I left military in 2002 and my wife (now ex) went back to work due to her career and earning potential. I felt totally the same as you (I wasn't bothered about spas or shopping lol) but felt really alone and friendless because everyone I knew was in the army. I sat and thought about the things I enjoy and what made me happy, cycling. football and gym so I made an effort to get back into cycling and joined a club, I went to the gym and started going back to football games. I class a few cycling club members as friends but the gym and football friends are more associates who I enjoy the company of for a few hours a week. Do not pressurise yourself to thinking 'friends' mean everything, be comfortable with who you are and enjoy the company of who you know.

yes, I have friends that I love but they all live over an hour away so i'd love a local one

I'm in a similar situation. I've gradually managed to distance myself from all of my friends, mostly due to MH issues as I have really struggled with anxiety over the years and am only just at the point of realising this and dealing with it.

I miss having friends, I have people I'm friendly with but don't seem able to turn these into actual friendships. I'm lucky that I'm close to my sister but she lives an hour away. I'd love to have friends to talk to and do things with but am starting to think I'll never have this again.

I feel your pain, I do have one best friend but that is literally it for me. I'm young and have 2 children and a partner. Partner works 5 very long and unsociable days so hardly get time together, I feel like a single parent. Best friend works full time too and lives a while away from me, so only get to see her a handful of times. DC are both under 2. Friends that I did have before children either don't bother (I've tried) or we have fallen out due to me being a mother.

So feel very very lonely pretty much all the time. I get so upset when I arrange something with a friend/relative and they almost always cancel due to a better offer or can't be bothered. I get the same when I see pictures of friends, family and even acquaintances out and about, out on nights out etc it makes me ache. It's why I'm going back to work early because don't get me wrong I love my children to absolute bits but no one understands that I crave my own time and I'm not getting that socially.

I'm sorry I can't be of any help OP, but just like yourself I just needed a rant. DP doesn't understand, and neither does best friend (she has no kids so wouldn't expect her to) so have no one else to talk to. Hope you feel better

Thanks for your replies people! Sounds like a few of you are in a similar place as me, as awful as it sounds it feels comforting to know that it happens to some ppl and it's not just me. I have a sister too, she lives over an hour away too but also has her own friends she does a lot with. I've tried thinking of doing hobbies, but as awful as it sounds I actually have no hobbies...I live in a small town where there's not much on offer . My kids are pretty much my life. I got ghosted by my best friend over 15 years ago which still hurts as we was the best of friends throughout all school, I then had a bunch of girlie friends and we did it all, holiday, lunch, takeaways etc but my life was moving faster than theirs and it's just so sad that I'm now here with no close friends who would contact me for a coffee ☹️ its a horrible feeling I get so overwhelmed by the loneliness it's a horrible feeling. I'm not on FB or any social media as I feel it contributes to making me feel more lonely and I don't need that but at the same time with me not being on it actually pushes me out the loop of things making me lonely. I can't win x

I feel exactly the same. I lost my 'friends' when I had my first child in my early 20s. Since had another child and my only friend over the past couple of weeks has distanced her self. I feel this is because I can't drop everything and go out as and when. I have two young kids, a house to run and a partner that works Monday to Friday. I feel people that don't have kids don't understand that you have other responsibilities that always come first.

Yep.

Very much this. I find it hard because I'm not interested in going shopping or on spa days and I don't drink cocktails - which is what a lot of women seem to do once they are fully fledged grown ups!

I like youth hostelling and playing in bands and beer.

So I joined a band, got invited to join another and now I have friends to catch up with, socialise with and hang out with doing the things that I like to do.

It sounds awful and the feminist in me balks at me saying this, but I have found groups of women far more difficult on the whole than male friends or mixed groups. But inhave a group of female friends now who are very much like me and I love it.

But they are all very new friendships of only a few months. For years, I felt very much as you do and still did until a few months ago.

Me too. I moved to a village and I have no friends here. I feel exactly how you do about a best friend ☹️ my husband works away and apart from work I don't have anything x

I understand, I don't really have any friends (2 I'd feel comfortable spending a brief amount of time with, but one has a new baby and one is closer to my ex husband so it's awkward) all family is far and recently separated from husband, I have two young ds and bad social anxiety, my family aren't super close and I never hear from anyone, bar my mum every few weeks if I call her, I have two sisters and a brother and despite having been there for them through break ups and other issues, no one so much as messages me. I'm so lonely

I think managing your expectations might be a start. If you don't have old school/college friends from when you were growing up you will need to nurture new friendships. I always cringe when adults talk about 'best friends' like they're still 13! As an adult aim for close friendships with people you have something in common with not just because you met through your children. So yes keep trying to meet new people in different settings but give it time. Real friendships take time. Also try not to come across as too full on or desperate for friendship (I'm not saying you do this but it's possible for others to pick up on vibes - I can hear it in your post) which may make them feel a bit pressured and likely to push them in the opposite direction.

It can't be easy with your DH being mostly unavailable due to work which must limit how much socialising you can do. No magic answers but don't give up.

So I joined a band, got invited to join another and now I have friends to catch up with, socialise with and hang out with doing the things that I like to do.

I love this

I moved cities to be with my fiance and I don't have any friends here not even after getting on for 3 years! I have a good friend in my old city who I see sometimes. My fiance is first and foremost my best friend but I would love a good female friend here! I really get how you feel.