How do I avoid having a breakdown?

[boringornot]

I want to divorce emotionally abusive H, and I'm trying to find out information on how to do that (I live in Germany, don't speak the language. I need to know if I can make him leave the house, what are my rights, etc).

I have 2 DC, who are on holiday (and will be for two more fucking weeks!). No holiday clubs or any sort of childcare available.

No close friends to help me. No money to go anywhere or do anything. STBXH is using the car to go to work. I'm trying to get hold of women support centres, but there is no anyone available. Can't contact lawyers right now.

I'm feeling more and more anxious, can feel my muscles tightening. Wish I could have someone to help me.

I have a few good friends I can talk to, but they live abroad, so no one in person to help me. My DM is a narcissist (and I suspect STBXH too), so I can't count on family because they are all very immature (emotionally, my DM and siblings are more like children. They won't be able to support me. I tried).

So, what can I do to prevent a complete anxiety attack? I have friends in London I could stay with, but no money for the flights. Friends in France as well, but no money. (and if I decide to go travel now, STBXH will go crazy). Also, I need to stay here to try to book appointments with women support services and lawyers.

Wish I could just get rid of STBXH, but he won't go easily. I need a shoulder to cry.

anyone?

Woman support centres seem hard to get through to - I'm having the same problem myself! But that's who I'd advise going to.

@RLEOM are you in the UK? How are things going for you?

I had an appointment booked for tomorrow, was looking forward to that, but today I got an email cancelling it. I have the children with me all day, so I have to be discreet - I can't just go somewhere and knock and ask for help!

I called another place, they told me to send an email, what I did. Tomorrow I will try to call again.

I can't stop thinking: there is no way a woman who is seriously abused will have the strength and persistence to jump through all those hoops until she can get some help!!!

Easy, keep away from people. :)

@scorpiovenus I'd love to! That's exactly the point: how do I get rid of STBXH and how do I get a break from the DC? :)

Go to the police? And explain you’re being abused, can they help?

@seasidepebbles but it's not an emergency, so the police will probably get pissed off with me...

However, how many weeks more am I supposed to wait?

Have you tried contacting UK based support groups?
They might know more than we do...

@limishap you mean groups like woman's aid? I didn't, but perhaps it's worth a try...

I would try any and all that you can get through to, the forum on I think Womens aid(?) will have some 'tips' for keeping your shit together before you can leave, the period between realising you will leave and being able to do it are a pretty scary time but it's also a part of escaping abuse.
The worst the helplines and advisory support groups can do is hang up or not reply.

I can't help with your specific situation OP, but I do recognise and empathise with that sensation of heading for a breakdown.

Mine was work related and I found myself rigid with tension, tearful and panicky and permanently on the toilet with diarrhoea. I kept thinking if I got myself signed off sick I could just opt out of all of this for a week or two - but I knew it would all still be there when I got back, not to mention the stigma of being off sick with stress. Plus, there was no one to cover or me so I'd be letting a lot of people down, which just made it worse.

I got on top of it not by hiding from the stss, but facing up to the tasks I was up against and changing something that I had control over - so for me it was back to back appointments and meetings. I cancelled, postponed and rescheduled a month's worth, just to give myself some space. The weight lifted and I was able to be more productive and less panic stricken, just for those small changes.

Don't try to face it all at once - what small steps could you take, or arrangements could you make, to give you some space to think or help you feel more in control?

I am so sorry you are going through this but Germany will definitely have a support system in place for this. Try and google what you can for your area of Germany, and in most cities, German people have enough decent english language skills to advise you. Another ideais to Google translate from english to German for advice on your situation. If you do not have funds for flights, what about the long distance bus services such as flixbus or eurolines? (Grim I know but I managed to get from Germany to England for 25 euros on it)

Yes, I'm based in the UK.

You can report abuse up to 2 years after it has occurred. I think it's a new law to allow people who maybe couldn't come forward at the time or for those, like myself, who didn't recognise the signs until later down the line.

You can also try your local citizen's advice bureau but I think you're already taking the right steps.

And don't worry about whether you're wasting police time. Just to get it reported is enough to get the ball rolling.

@blutopia I feel very similar to you, I don't know how to reduce the stress. Did your situation work out in the end?

@pippin2028 I'm trying to talk to support services, but loads of them are not available, or the person who speaks English is not available.

I considered travelling by bus, but I have 2 children with me, so I have to take that into account. Also, I have to be around to try and get hold of some support

@rleom 2 years is good but not enough, I think. It took me over 10 years to stop normalizing the crazy things that happen at home.